Ok, I know most of you are thinking: "Wait! It's not that time yet!" and you would be right, Trent has not been gone quite a year yet BUT I figure that 2 weeks or so wont make much of a difference and I've been dying to write this one for awhile so I'm jumping the gun a bit.
***Disclaimer: These are purely my opinions, not factual evidence and you do not have to take any of what I say to heart. I wrote this purely as advice to those who are new MG's or future MG's******
Anyway, this past year has taught me many things about life and myself, as well as how to balance waiting with my life. Some of the things i have learned are:
1. Scripture study is SO important:
I grew up in the church, so I was constantly taught the importance of reading and studying the scriptures on a daily basis. But as I grew into my teen years, I didn't really care. Once I got out of those years I would do it, but not regularly. Back in March when Trent almost got sent home I realized that was one of the things that I needed to work on on top of several other good habits I would like to have by the time my children are born. Well, you can't wait until he comes home nor can you wait until the kids come to start. You have to start now. It's been up and down, I can't say that I'm 100% perfect at it but over time and by creating the desire to want that habit in my life I have started to recognize that I need the scriptures every day. Because they are such a reminder of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ's love for all of us, and they help us learn how to trust them and put our lives in their hands, letting them help us through our lives. The scriptures are wonderful, and if you read them sincerely, you will definitely get something out of them.
2. Temple attendance:
I realize this will vary on where you all live, but since I live in Provo Utah and there is a temple right up the road I need to take the time to go on a regular basis. After receiving his endowments nearly a year ago Trent is very adamant about Temple attendance and actually about 6 months ago got after me because I wasn't taking the time out of my day to go as often as I could. He didn't do it to be mean, he did it out of love. And I'm very glad he did. Yes, we had a slight spat about it, but I quickly apologized because I realized how wrong I truly was. Since I moved apartments back in April, I decided I needed to try and go as often as I could, and while I wasn't the most successful, I did realize how important it is to go to the Temple not only do we have the opportunity to perform life saving ordinances for the generations that have passed on, but it is a sanctuary away from the world where we can ponder and seek Heavenly Father's will for us. So take the time out of your schedule to go and attend the temple, it's the best boost you can give your spirit.
3. Prepare to go through the Temple and receive endowments:
This sort of relates to #2 a bit in the fact that once we make those covenants with the Lord we are asked to continue to go back as often as we can for the same reasons I mentioned earlier. Plus, it's for your edification and spiritual growth too. But the concept that makes this tab different is that there is so much more than planning to go to the Temple one day, you have to prepare as well. The preparation is necessary and I feel as mormon girls sometimes we fail to realize and remember that as well. I haven't received my endowments yet, but I look forward to the day that I can. BUT, the covenants we will make in the Temple are very serious and binding covenants. They cannot be taken lightly and in my opinion should not be made if you are not ready to make those covenants. So this time while our boys are gone we should be striving to become ready for the day we do go into the temple and make those covenants. I feel that one way we do that is by developing a personal relationship with the Savior and try to truly understand the Atonement as best as we can.
4. Take the time to get ready for the day:
I can't even begin to tell you how good I feel when I take the time in the mornings to get ready and look nice. I guess you could call me anti-feminist because I do take the time to wear makeup and primp so that way I can genuinely feel nice. Plus, I've noticed, on the days where I'm able to get myself ready and looking decent, I feel a lot better about myself. I know it's easy to fall into the pattern of "Well, I have no one here to impress so why bother?" Which, makes sense but honestly, why not try to get ready for the day, you'll feel better even if you're not out to impress anyone. Sometimes though, you do need a good reason for getting ready. I'm in my last year of college, I'm working with and around people that are my potential colleagues, clients and even bosses/mentors I need to look decent and have a professional demeanor to impress those people. I want a career. I know for those of you who read this post, that may not be your reason, but I'm sure deep down inside there will be a reason. So cling to that and feel better in the process.
5. STAY BUSY:
If there is any one thing I could tell a girl who is about waiting or getting ready to wait, this would be probably my number one comment. I understand we are all of different ages and come from different areas of the world and walks of life. Our situations are different too. I'm 22, I'm in school, there is my excuse to stay busy. And I will promise any of you who are just starting out, about to start waiting, OR who are struggling to not be so depressed about having your boy gone. This is the cure. Find stuff to do, and most importantly, do things that will better yourself. Working is good, school is good too, outside of that, find your passions, hobbies, talents that you can continue to work on and improve. Volunteer somewhere where you feel you would like to help someone and make a difference in the world. Travel, do study abroad or Student Exchange programs. You are not going to regret staying busy and doing stuff that you love and want to do before you are married. You are going to grow and mature while your boy grows and matures. And I can guarantee that he will be happy with the woman he comes home too if you try your best to better yourself by doing good things.
6. It is OK to cry:
I'll admit, I try my hardest not to cry a lot about my problems. I see it as a weakness in my life because I always try to be strong. But once in awhile I do let myself go for a short cry. I don't think I sob as much as I did when he first left, maybe because I realize there is nothing I can do about it, and also that I'm happy for him and where he's at, but that doesn't lessen the fact that I miss him as much as I do. I actually lost it in the Shower about a week ago and just let myself cry and complain out loud (I did feel bad about the complaining later though). And for me, crying as well as writing down my feelings really helps me to be able to then get back on track and focus on what I need to do.
7. Try to get out and mingle:
I'll admit, I'm kind of an introvert sometimes and having a missionary could very easily make me even more of an introvert. But unfortunately at the same time I love to have fun, and get to know people. I know many of the girls who may read this post are vehement against dating. That's ok, you don't have to, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting out and making friends. In fact, I'd say this post kind of relates to #5, you can stay busy and have fun with friends too. I will add a disclaimer here: This means mingling with more than your MG and MB brothers and sisters. Since I had to move back in April due to my apartment complex becoming MTC housing I have made so many friends and a few of them are guys. But they know all about Trent and they're perfectly fine with it. We're all still friends, and I have had so much fun because I can be myself and enjoy my life. 24 months is a long time to hide away on the weekends or during your spare time, so get out and have fun and make some good friends along the way. You wont regret it.
8. You most likely will have to make big decisions/go through some hard things without him here:
In fact, this one is pretty much inevitable. Over the years I've learned that as much as we plan on how we want our life to go, it may not be Heavenly Father's plan for us. I'll go back to my old apartment again: I had planned on living there until Trent got home. I was comfortable, I loved the ward, and I had some pretty good friends and roommates. But when the announcement was made we all had to move I was really ticked off about it. In fact, I pretty much left there kicking and screaming, no joke. I was mad at the complex and in a way kind of mad at the Lord for allowing this to happen when he knew how happy I was. But overtime, I've come to see the reason why I had to move, the place I'm at now I'm supposed to be at right now, I was supposed to make these friends and have these experiences that would continue to shape me. I've also had to make decisions in regards to my education as well, I would love to have him here to help but I have to live MY life while he's gone. He's off doing his own thing and I should be doing the same. Also, you're going to face struggles and trials you probably never expected and you're going to have to do them as best you can without him by your side. It sucks, it truly does. But it's possible because the Lord has promised us that we will not be tested over that which we can bare. Every person in this world is stronger than they think, and whatever we are given, as hard as it may be, it is possible to overcome it. These things will also help you to figure out who you truly are as a person, which will help your self esteem in ways you could never imagine.
9. Develop a close relationship with Heavenly Father and Christ:
Satan is really playing dirty these days, I've seen it in my life, my missionaries life, my family, friends etc. He's playing dirty, which isn't fair, but we need to realize that he is. That is the reason why this is the time to develop your relationship with Heavenly Father and our Savior. Heavenly Father loves us all so very much, but he loves us so much individually words can't even begin to describe that love. And the Savior? He loves us all too, and He is the one who truly gets it. He has suffered for every pain, sickness, sin, heartache, etc that we will ever go through. He is empathetic to us and is willing to be there as a Brother, friend, and comforter. He will not leave us hanging. SO ladies, turn to Him and our Father in Heaven and you will be able to combat the wiles of the Devil.
10. Be happy for those girls who get good news:
Each of our waits are different. Just like each of our lives are different. We cannot, CANNOT compare our journey to someone elses. I will admit when I first started waiting it was hard seeing all the 100 day countdowns, the year marks, 18 month marks and homecomings. But I also realized that these girls went through the same 2 years that I was, so I should try my hardest to support and be happy for them. Because it is exciting and happy that their boys are finally home.
11. Try not to watch homecoming videos all the time:
I may get mocked for this one, but I seriously do not watch homecoming videos. The only ones I do watch are of girls who are currently on the page and their boys come home. And in that sense, I'm ok because like mentioned above I want to be truly happy for them and with them. But one time I did watch several homecoming and wedding videos and the only thing it did was make me depressed. And I already struggle enough with depression so why would i want to make myself MORE depressed? And also, it makes us wish for the future, which we're always told not to do. We need to learn to be happy in the moment, not to wish for the future and say: "I'll be happy then." Because it wont happen. Something will go terribly wrong and we'll find another reason down the road to be happy. That's not living life, and that is definitely not enjoying life. I totally went off tangent a bit with this thought but, honestly, homecoming videos are cute, but unless you plan on crying half the night eating junk food and watching chick flicks I would recommend to not watch them. But that is up to you, this is just my advice it's not gospel.
12. Countdown calendars:
Simple, don't update them every day, nor try to look at them every day. Each person I've talked to who has the same opinion does it differently. Some girls do fast sundays, other's do periods, some do it every two weeks, I personally do it once a week. Every Tuesday night before I go to bed I put seven little black stickers on my called to serve poster. And even those seven stickers make me feel like a champion. PLUS, it helps you to see how fast the time really is flying by. Because it does fly by. It truly does. If you don't have a countdown calendar or you feel like time is going too slow, take the two years in smaller increments. Like every three months, I try to do 6 because I feel that's more of an accomplishment. Plus, you'll feel so much better if you take it in shorter time periods because then you're not looking at the whole picture. And with that reward yourself! I reward myself every 6 months or so because I feel like I've accomplished something.
I could go on and on with a lot of stuff I've learned, but I'm going to keep it to 13 today. Frankly, I believe the whole idea of waiting boils down to this one concept:
13. Preparing NOT Waiting:
As you read over all of these, it seems like a lot and yes, I'll admit I'm very long winded and very opinionated. But that's how I see the world, and I don't apologize for it. Everyone is different and that is OK. But I believe that waiting should actually be called preparing. Because that's what we really should be doing. We should prepare to be the woman our missionary deserves when he gets home. We should prepare to make covenants with our Heavenly Father in his Holy Temple. We should prepare to be sealed to our eternal loves for time and all eternity. We should prepare to be a housekeeper and a mothers. We should prepare by developing ourselves and figuring out who we are and what our potential is. We should prepare by learning about ourselves and finding our talents and how we can use those to better the Kingdom of our God. Preparing NOT Waiting is what we are truly doing. And I believe and I will promise that if you come to understand that principle, and take advantage of these two years instead of dreading them. These two years will fly by, faster than we expect or would like, and then we will all be with our boys again. In the eternal scheme of things, two years really isn't that long, and if you look at them as a time of preparation it's not a lot of time either. But if you start now you will be blessed from on High to become the woman your boy deserves to have by his side for eternity. So lets start preparing!
I love all you ladies, the one's I've befriended and the ones I will befriend someday. This wait does not have to be a dreaded, miserable 24 months. It is possible to have fun and enjoy your life while he is gone, I've experienced it, and I know you all can too. Have a good day, and keep the faith. We can all do this!
