Like dying my hair
Or putting my guinea pigs on KSL because I've decided I want to give them better homes, THAT and they're a bit expensive. AND I want a dog, because dogs are more loving than guinea pigs are.
Even better? I decided to do all of these things around the same time.
Think I'm crazy now?
Why would I do all of these things?
WELL... it's because Trent and I are no longer together.
I know, shocking right. After being together for 18 months and 14 of those months I was waiting for him, it's over. I'm still unsure of what happened, but what I do know is that inside of one week he went from loving boyfriend, the man I knew and loved dearly, to a complete jerk. And someone I didn't know at all. He's given me the impression that he doesn't care. And I feel tossed aside like a toy that he's bored with. Which hurts, it really hurts. Sure, there were things we both did and said that were stupid. Of course things are going to get hard, they've been difficult for me. Waiting for a missionary isn't an easy task and I applaud those girls who do it and end up with their boys.
Fact of the matter is, not everyone will.
Fact of the matter is, people do change.
Fact of the matter is, you can put every ounce of yourself into a relationship, and remain faithfully loyal to someone even when you're lonely on the weekends and it will still crumble to pieces in front of you.
And that's by far the worst one of them all
For me, this has happened twice. BUT this time was the first time I really and truly cared about the person. The first time, I was young, immature, thought I knew everything and I was infatuated.
I was infatuated when I sent Trent off, we both were, but it was possible to make things work, we both just had to be willing to put for the effort.
So deciding to walk away was a difficult decision, especially after investing so much into this relationship. Not to mention, I loved him dearly and I would have done anything to make him happy. I don't know what changed, but logic tells me that he wasn't completely honest and open with me, and I'm seeing it now. Not feeling appreciated anymore is the worst feeling in the world.
So, I'm moving on, and trying not to hold onto these crumbled hopes and dreams. I've cried a bit, because the emotion has to come out sometime right? And I'm walking down the path that I know I need to be taking. Since I can't control a lot of what has happened this semester, I can control some things, and that's the crazy stuff like dying my hair, selling my pigs, or signing up for LDS Singles.
It's time for a new adventure, because the one I started on has come to an end. I've learned a lot of things about myself, and I'm slowly starting to build up my confidence. I don't need a guy to make me happy, because if I see it that way, I'm going to end up with a jerk. And frankly, I'm done dating jerks, they sap the life out of me.
Who knows where this path will lead me, I have a couple of vague ideas. Graduation being one of them. But otherwise, I'm trying to be open to what life may bring. I'm going to get myself a dog, I may travel, I may take a break and be a beach bum. I don't know. But whatever it is, as long as it's right, I'm accepting it, and I'm ok with it.
So let the new adventures start with me getting a little bit crazy.
