Facades, heartbreak, and peace

So here we are in April, it's been several months since I've last posted.  This I know. :) Life has been busy, there's been ups and downs, good and bad.  For the good, I had the opportunity to sing in General Conference last weekend.  I'll post about that experience another time.

But for tonight, I'm wanting to talk about finding peace despite being painfully single at 23 and realizing you've once again been taken advantage of by someone you trusted and thought was a good person.  A better person than even the last guy I dated.

You see, after Trent and I initially ended things several friends set me up on dates. And they went pretty well until I went out with this one guy who just stood out to me in so many ways.  He was sweet, on the shy side, considerate, kind, didn't seem bothered that I talked his ear off and asked him a bazillion questions.  When he told me he wanted to see me again after our first date I was ecstatic.  Never before had I ever had a blind date go so well for me.
Things moved forward, fairly slowly, but we had a handful of wonderful dates, and then the best thing happened.  He made the next move and kissed me.
I was once again on cloud nine, especially because I had officially ended things with my missionary (We don't talk anymore for those of you who are wondering) and I thought this would be a great start to a good relationship.
Things progressed, we had fun times together, I was open and honest with him and he was ok with it.  Then suddenly he ended it. No real explanation other than he didn't want to hold me back and needed to work through some things.  I was very upset, I didn't understand why this had happened. It was totally and completely out of the blue.

So even through my tears, I turned to the Lord and asked for His help.  I was lucky enough to find the peace of mind I needed to pull myself up and keep moving forward with a very positive attitude.

Then I got some information tonight that seriously crushed me.  I learned that ONCE AGAIN, I had been fooled by a facade.   You see, whether or not he actually liked me, all he was really out for was to make out with me.   When my friend told me that I was hurt beyond belief.

And even though I have spent a period of time tonight crying and feeling taken advantage of yet again, because I was too naieve to see what was in front of my face (Or at least, I didn't want to overreact or I didn't want to see it)  I can still find peace. You see, the Savior suffered and Atoned for each of us in the garden, he felt every pain, injury, heartache, every negative emotion I have ever and will ever feel.  And it is that where I can find comfort tonight.  I still need a good cry, that's for sure, there's nothing wrong with that.  But I can sleep easily tonight knowing that my Savior understands and loves me and will be by my side through this.  And that Heavenly Father is watching over me and is wanting my true happiness.


BUT SERIOUSLY!!!
MEN! CUT IT OUT, OK?  You treating women like this is stupid.  My father once told me that Men are pigs and I honestly believe him now.  Just because a woman wants to be kissed and cuddled doesn't mean you have to exploit that.  I mean come on!
So needless to say, I'm searching for a guy who's a little less piggish than the majority.

2014 - New year, finding who I am

So, everyone makes the joke that you make a New Years Resolution only to break it a month later.  Which is primarily one reason I gave up on them a long time ago because I don't like feeling like a failure. 

Although, one thing I did learn in 2013, thanks to Trenton's advice and council, is to take goals in short measurable amounts.  And for them to be the "non-negotiable" type of goals, and schedules.  Upon realizing last march that time flies too fast and if you sit there waiting for TOMORROW then whatever you plan to do will never be accomplished.  You'll wake up 12 months later and realize you never lost that 10 pounds, didn't tackle that reading list, didn't develop a closer relationship with God.  That is never a good feeling, nor does it help us become better people. The people we're supposed to become.

So that's my goal for this year, I'm going to throw the long list of "goals" (or things that don't really matter) out the window and focus on the things that really do matter.  For me, that is losing a bit of weight and trying to eat healthier, that is developing the habit of a serious scripture study and regular temple attendance,  that is finally learning how to cope with my depression and not letting it control me anymore,  also it's doing the things I want to do, things that will help me to feel fulfilled and worthwhile.  Because sitting around watching Nashville or Downton Abbey isn't cutting it.   I need to get out, have fun, and most of all learn to love myself.

Have a Happy New year everyone! I hope that you will be able to do the things that you need to do for yourself this year.   2014, it's a new year, a new start.  Take advantage of it, and love it.

Love,
Jenn