Eight and half months - and a whole new understanding to "waiting"

Yes, it is true, I am almost 9 months done with the wait. 

(Small mini celebration dance)

Ok, I'm done now.  haha

Anyway the past 8 months have flown by, for which I'm really grateful because I honestly don't know how I would survive this wait  if it was dragging by.  One of the reasons I know is because I have been busy between school and work.

Nearly a year ago I saw a huge obstacle in front of me. 24 months is a long time for us humans.  And 24 months waiting for the man you care for and want to marry can seem like an eternity.  There have been many nights of tears and wondering why I've even decided to do this.  But when something inside of you lets you know that this is right I couldn't go against that feeling.  Especially since Trent is someone you don't let out of your grasp easily. 
No, when I started my wait, I saw it as a long 24 months where I was going to be missing him terribly the whole time.  It would take forever, sure I'd be done with school but was that worth going two years
8 1/2 months later I still view 24 months as a long time.  I occasionally have my days where I want to cry most of the day because I miss him so much.   The one thing that has changed though is my attitude.  I"m grateful for the fact I have the opportunity to wait for him.  Yes gratitude! Not a feeling I was expecting to feel in the least, but it's here and I am grateful for the mission.  For one thing, he's growing and becoming the man that I truly want as my husband.  And as great as he was before the mission he's going to be AWESOME after his mission.  I mean, he's making me WANT to be better.  And he pushes me to be better as well.
        But the real reason I would have to say I'm the most grateful for the fact that I have the time to prepare and become better myself.  It's like preparing for marriage, but on a strict timetable.  Two years may seem long, but it goes pretty fast.  Which means I don't have the time to dawdle around and think "I'll get to it later" because later could be 6 months before he's home and honestly, scrambling at the last minute never brings the best results.  Because if things work out between the girl and the missionary, is SHE ready to make the covenants and commitments that come with an eternal marriage?  I know I couldn't,  that's a lot of commitment to make to the Lord and if I wasn't prepared, I wouldn't want to make that commitment immaturely.  So, yes I need to prepare, I need to develop a relationship with Heavenly Father and strive to be closer to Him at all times. That's what Trent is doing, so why shouldn't I be doing it as well?

I've definitely also realized that waiting for a missionary isn't for everyone, and it's a serious decision when a girl or guy decide to wait for the person they care about.  But like everyone says waiting IS NOT putting yourself in storage for two years.  Sure, I may never get asked on a date because I have a missionary.  And I may never travel abroad, or do something SUPER exciting with my life.  What I can do is try to develop myself, create a stronger relationship with my boy and my Heavenly Father, study the scriptures and learn to love them,  and prepare the best I can to make temple covenants then eventually be a wife and mother. 

I didn't think this was what the wait was for nearly a year ago, but now I know this is one of the key reasons why I'm waiting.  I'm waiting and learning about myself.  Sure, Trent is great, but if we don't work out in 16 months what I have learned about myself is not something I could regret.   Waiting is a journey, an experience, and unfortunately (I'm sorry to say this) it is not for everyone.  It is not something you do because well you want to or you can.  It's something you do because you know you need to do it, you do it  because you know it's the next thing you need to do in your life. 
The only reason I'm waiting for Trent is because I knew I needed too.  At the time, I thought it was purely because i liked him.  And while that is true, and while I am waiting because of how I love him I am also waiting because it gives me time to become better.  And it's a time for me to prepare to become his wife, and I look forward to the next 16 months of his mission because of all the things we're both going to do while learning and growing.