So remember my last post how I said I had three guinea pig pups?
Not anymore, one of them just passed away.
The precious, sweet little boy. I knew he was the runt of the litter less than 24 hours after he was born. He was the smallest out of the three that survived the birth. (I've now lost two of the pups). He seemed strong though, and like he would be making it in the end with his brother and sister.
It was a couple of days later that I started to worry about him, both of his siblings were up running around and squeaking. He wasn't, he seemed lethargic and not strong enough to be moving around. He was moving though and my friends said he was probably fine, just tired.
Last night though, I came into my bedroom to find him lying outside the "pigloo" as they call it. At first I thought he had been running around with his siblings but then i realized that he couldn't stand up, and he seemed to be gasping for breath.
To make the story short, I went to people who had raised guinea pigs from birth and sought their advice. Daisy, rejected him in front of me, my roommate and a friend so we were left standing at a crossroads. To either syringe feed him and get his strength back up, or let him go. At first I was all gung ho for syringe feeding, but as I got to thinking about it, I didn't have the time, money or energy to take care of a newborn pup. I'm getting sick for the second time this semester as it is, and I can't afford to wake up every two hours to feed him, then haul him to school with me to make sure he gets fed. Then, as I kept watching his symptoms, I (and the guinea pig experts) thought he may possibly have an Upper Respiratory Infection which is a common ailment among guinea pigs and is a large cause of death.
I stood at the crossroads and debated back and forth with what to do. My gut feeling kept telling me that I needed to let him pass away, but my stubbornness got the better of me so we tried feeding him some liquids (which I did twice) He could hardly open his mouth he was already so weak. By then it was late and I needed to go to bed, so I wrapped him in a towel to keep him warm and I placed him in the cage with his mom and siblings. Then I got on my knee's and asked Heavenly Father what I should do, because I trust him and I knew He'd help me.
That's when my gut feeling was confirmed, I needed to let him go. I cried myself to sleep last night because of what a hard decision I was making. I was letting a little creature die, even though I could come through and be the hero and save his life.
The next day, I went to class, had dinner with a friend, then came home to do homework. He was still alive by the time I got back, I was surprised, but I put him in the pocket of my hoodie because I knew he would probably not last long and I didn't want him to die alone.
Over the next several hours I had several people tell me that I should just try to hand feed him and let him live. Once again I went back to the inner wrestling, but the first decision kept winning. That, and I could tell he was too far gone for any help.
About an hour later he passed away finally. Watching him struggle and suffer at the end was the hardest part for me. I wanted Heavenly Father to just take him and ease his suffering, I wished there was something I could do to ease his suffering. But I found myself holding him close and watching him try to fight for life.
When he finally did pass away, the tears came freely. It was heart breaking, losing a second pup. Yet at the same time I felt peace, knowing that he was not suffering anymore. Nor would he ever have to suffer again.
Submitting to the Lord's will is easy when the going is easy. But when the going get's tough, it's the wrestling between the inner natural man versus what the Lord's will is that makes it difficult. We are told by the world around us that we need to be independent, save the say, and do it ourselves in order to be successful. I feel that's how Hollywood and other media forms have failed us. They've taught us that we cannot experience loss, they've taught us that we cannot but our trust and faith in God and make our will one with His. We must always remember, that sometimes, the Lord's will is not our own. Sure, we can always go our own way and do it ourselves. We may even be successful physically. But spiritually, we wont be. The Lord see's the bigger picture, and because of that we must always listen and ask what His will is, not ours. And it'll be that by matching our will to his that we will become stronger spiritually, and we will be blessed from on high. Because of that, I will trust my Heavenly Father and my brother Jesus Christ. By relying on both of them, we will be able to make it through this life and come out on top in the end. Not unscathed mind you, but we will come out on top.
Never forget that.
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