"I've been a walking heartache, I've made a mess of me, the person I've been lately ain't who I wanna be...."
I know in a couple of years (and maybe even now) it's cliche to have Blake Shelton's song "God gave me you" as your quote on quote "song". But with Trent and myself, this song holds a lot of meaning for both of us, and we truly believe that God played a role in bringing us together. That's something I'm eternally grateful for because he has brought so much happiness into my life. I actually sent him the link to this song via youtube the day he flew home from visiting me last June. My life has never been the same since that weekend, and both of us know it. Not to mention, like the first sentence of the song says really applies to us because we both have struggled through the years.
For instance, when I was 18, newly graduated from High School and had barely started my freshman semester I met a young man who convinced me he was what I needed. I had no confidence in myself and desperately wanted my happily ever after so I believed him. But what I thought was my fairy tale ending turned quickly into a nightmare as my then fiancee started becoming heavily emotionally, psychologically, verbally and even sexually abusive to me. I was able to get away, sort of, due to the help of my parents. But I didn't completely end things until about four-five months when we had an argument and I realized how messed up this situation was. But the after affects of the abuse still stuck to me, not to mention there were other things that came into play that didn't help my emotional state. But I no longer believed in myself and I struggled to trust people, especially men. To this day I can quickly become nervous and uncomfortable around them. And it's taken a lot of therapy to get me to the point I'm at now. But there was a lot of points where I could have just walked away from everything I knew. Gave up on everyone, but I knew that the gospel was true, and I started on a path to figure out for myself what my testimony was.
Trent on the other hand wasn't raised LDS. His parents divorced when he was three and he's had a lot of things to work through in his life. He's made huge mistakes that he regrets but through the gospel has been able to find the peace of mind that comes from repentance and the love of our Savior Jesus Christ.
I very much remember the night I told him about what had happened my freshman year, and that same night he told me of some of the things that he'd been through as well. Looking at him now, it's hard to see him as the person he described to me that night. He has really changed and become the man he needs to be, and I feel the mission will help with that as well. But Trent has told me, that what I told him that night instead of chasing him off as it had some men only made him love me more because it helped him to see who I truly was and who I had become through my trials.
Needless to say, we have been able to be there for each other since then. He is truly the person I can laugh, cry, vent, or just be myself with. I've cried to him countless times over the phone when some days just became too hard to think through it all. He also has been so patient with me when I have questioned his motives and mis-interpreted them as something else because of my emotional problems that occasionally pop up.
The last thing I want to say, is to relate to what I said at the beginning that we feel that Heavenly Father played a role in bringing us together. Here are some of the reasons why we believe that:
1. I mentioned in my first post that Trent is good friends with my brother-in-law Scott, and that Scott met Trent near the end of his mission in Columbus Ohio. What I didn't mention is that Scott and Trent met ONCE the entirety of Scott's mission, and it was right at the very end. Scott didn't convert him, didn't get a lot of time to know him they just happened to hit it off. Which I suppose is understandable since Scott is very easy to get along with, and their personalities are the same. But they weren't buddies, and Trent to this day isn't entirely sure why he decided to call Scott the weekend he came to Salt Lake. He has several friends in the area, but for some reason he felt to contact Scott.
2. When he came to Salt Lake the weekend I met him, that wasn't planned. He was driving semi's across country and had some mechanical problems in Utah of all places, and they were near the Salt Lake stop so he stopped there for repairs. That's when he called Scott and asked if he could spend time with him and have someone to go to church with.
3. I wasn't planning on coming home that Sunday. I was dating someone else and we had gone to his place for dinner or something but his parents weren't doing anything so Tyler (my boyfriend) suggested we go to my parent's place and visit with them. We knew Scott was going to be there anyway, and we were all High School friends. Normally, I would have suggested we stay at his place and do something else because I was tired of being at home so much, but instead I agreed with him.
4. We hardly talked to each other while he was there. And then promptly forgot about each other after he had left. I didn't have a facebook account, and he gave up after trying to find me. Six months later though, before my sister and Scott were married he found me and added me on facebook. I normally don't accept friend requests of people I don't know very well, but for some reason I did.
I truly love this man, he makes my world complete, he is my support when I am down, and loves me like no tomorrow.
Life is full of adventures, it's how we live and enjoy them that makes us who we are as individuals.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Things I've learned after one month as an "MG"
Ok, now I am by all means no expert in this. Nor am I saying this is exactly what everyone needs to know because I recognize that everyone is different. But these are the few things that have occurred to me over the last four weeks since Trent left.
1. Sincere, daily scripture study:
I have never been good at this, and it is something I need to get into the habit of, and I'm currently working on it. And even then, it can't be half-hearted, or hurried. You literally need to set aside the time to do it and then actually do it. I used to roll my eyes at people that said "Get up a half hour earlier if you need to. Or stay up fifteen minutes later." But unfortunately that is my advice to anyone these days as well. Find a time that is best for you, where you can't be interrupted, and where you can feel the Spirit and recieve personal revelation. I find mine is at 6 A.M. because my roommates aren't awake yet, and my apartment is quiet and peaceful. I also find that studying something other than just reading helps as well. I'm currently working my way through "Preach my Gospel" and reading the Book of Mormon or Conference talks on the side. I eventually want to work my way through all the Standard works, as well as seriously study a few things as well. Even if you end up having just fifteen minutes, just reading a chapter from the scriptures can really influence your day. But you cannot be distracted. And in all reality, there is no harm in trying to understand everything the Gospel has. My missionary is out there learning and growing, so I should as well. (Not to mention, I think it will REALLY help with motherhood down the road.)
2. Stay busy:
Everyone says this, and while it can be tough it's true. Make sure you have stuff to keep you going through the day and the week. It will help the time fly by. For instance, I'm currently in school and have classwork to do. Some days as I take off my make up to go to bed it feels like I just put it on. Crazy!
3. Take time for yourself:
This is in relation to #2. There are days when I just really miss him and it sucks having him gone. Those are days when I really do need to allow myself to mourn so to speak. I'll cry, write letters to him in a separate journal, look through my pictures of him/us, listen to our music. And just let the time pass by spending time on Facebook, Pinterest, or watching a movie. One thing I am currently working on though and actually recommend is have a time limit for yourself. Say, one maybe two hours and then go back to doing something productive, or do something to take your mind off of it. Dwelling on the fact he's gone is not going to bring him back faster, it will only slow time down. :) (Once again, something I'm working on.)
4. Take the time to get ready in the morning:
I can't tell you how much this will make my day fundamentally better. Taking the time to pretty yourself up while getting ready in the morning will do wonders. Especially if you're tired or sad. It makes you feel more confident, and it reminds you as to why you have a guy out there who loves you. 'Cause you're beautiful!!!! (I also like to turn up some fun music to get me singing and dancing, that will completely improve my mood as well.)
5. Be clean:
I am a messy person by trade. Ask my family or any of my roommates past and present. One thing my dad pointed out to me though is that in decluttering, doing laundry, putting stuff away when you're done with it, and just cleaning up after yourself, not only can make you feel better but it allows the spirit to be with you more. Which is especially needed during this time because I feel the adversary really likes to work on us girls. It doesn't have to be a huge project. Just a little at a time. For instance: While you're waiting for your laundry to get done, organize your drawers and give everything a place. Also, this can be a good time to get rid of stuff you're not wearing.
6. Cut back on media:
This might vary from person to person, but I am finding this helps to improve my mood. I'm addicted to movies, I wont lie, I enjoy them. A lot. It's also my wall I can hide behind when I don't want to face the world and believe me, it's been a bad habit for too long. I had like 5-6 different T.V. shows I was following and a million other movies I HAD to go and see before my boy left. My advice, is there an absence of the spirit after you watch these things? I've felt a million times better since clearing my schedule of my tv shows and must see movies. Not to mention, it's given me a ton more time to focus on other things.
Sorry to sound so preachy, especially since Trent hasn't been gone that long. These are just a few things that I feel can really help us go from day to day. These have helped me, and it might not be what we need to become the woman our missionary needs. But it's definitely a start.
"Inch by inch, life's a cinch. Yard by yard, life is hard."
:)
1. Sincere, daily scripture study:
I have never been good at this, and it is something I need to get into the habit of, and I'm currently working on it. And even then, it can't be half-hearted, or hurried. You literally need to set aside the time to do it and then actually do it. I used to roll my eyes at people that said "Get up a half hour earlier if you need to. Or stay up fifteen minutes later." But unfortunately that is my advice to anyone these days as well. Find a time that is best for you, where you can't be interrupted, and where you can feel the Spirit and recieve personal revelation. I find mine is at 6 A.M. because my roommates aren't awake yet, and my apartment is quiet and peaceful. I also find that studying something other than just reading helps as well. I'm currently working my way through "Preach my Gospel" and reading the Book of Mormon or Conference talks on the side. I eventually want to work my way through all the Standard works, as well as seriously study a few things as well. Even if you end up having just fifteen minutes, just reading a chapter from the scriptures can really influence your day. But you cannot be distracted. And in all reality, there is no harm in trying to understand everything the Gospel has. My missionary is out there learning and growing, so I should as well. (Not to mention, I think it will REALLY help with motherhood down the road.)
2. Stay busy:
Everyone says this, and while it can be tough it's true. Make sure you have stuff to keep you going through the day and the week. It will help the time fly by. For instance, I'm currently in school and have classwork to do. Some days as I take off my make up to go to bed it feels like I just put it on. Crazy!
3. Take time for yourself:
This is in relation to #2. There are days when I just really miss him and it sucks having him gone. Those are days when I really do need to allow myself to mourn so to speak. I'll cry, write letters to him in a separate journal, look through my pictures of him/us, listen to our music. And just let the time pass by spending time on Facebook, Pinterest, or watching a movie. One thing I am currently working on though and actually recommend is have a time limit for yourself. Say, one maybe two hours and then go back to doing something productive, or do something to take your mind off of it. Dwelling on the fact he's gone is not going to bring him back faster, it will only slow time down. :) (Once again, something I'm working on.)
4. Take the time to get ready in the morning:
I can't tell you how much this will make my day fundamentally better. Taking the time to pretty yourself up while getting ready in the morning will do wonders. Especially if you're tired or sad. It makes you feel more confident, and it reminds you as to why you have a guy out there who loves you. 'Cause you're beautiful!!!! (I also like to turn up some fun music to get me singing and dancing, that will completely improve my mood as well.)
5. Be clean:
I am a messy person by trade. Ask my family or any of my roommates past and present. One thing my dad pointed out to me though is that in decluttering, doing laundry, putting stuff away when you're done with it, and just cleaning up after yourself, not only can make you feel better but it allows the spirit to be with you more. Which is especially needed during this time because I feel the adversary really likes to work on us girls. It doesn't have to be a huge project. Just a little at a time. For instance: While you're waiting for your laundry to get done, organize your drawers and give everything a place. Also, this can be a good time to get rid of stuff you're not wearing.
6. Cut back on media:
This might vary from person to person, but I am finding this helps to improve my mood. I'm addicted to movies, I wont lie, I enjoy them. A lot. It's also my wall I can hide behind when I don't want to face the world and believe me, it's been a bad habit for too long. I had like 5-6 different T.V. shows I was following and a million other movies I HAD to go and see before my boy left. My advice, is there an absence of the spirit after you watch these things? I've felt a million times better since clearing my schedule of my tv shows and must see movies. Not to mention, it's given me a ton more time to focus on other things.
Sorry to sound so preachy, especially since Trent hasn't been gone that long. These are just a few things that I feel can really help us go from day to day. These have helped me, and it might not be what we need to become the woman our missionary needs. But it's definitely a start.
"Inch by inch, life's a cinch. Yard by yard, life is hard."
:)
Monday, October 22, 2012
Scripture study, music and e-mails
So, today was once again one of those days that I kept pushing back my alarm because I just didn't want to get out of bed. This would be fine if it wasn't midterms right now. In fact I should be working on a homework assignment, but I wanted to get this written out before I do that. Plus I have a headache and need a rest before I continue.
Anyway, I pushed my alarm back until a little after 8:30 and that's when I knew I had to at least get up because I had a class at 11. In fact, I felt so down this morning while I was grabbing a few extra minutes of sleep that I was considering skipping at least the first two classes of the day, if not all of them. I figured I'd at least have to go to the last two since they relate to my major and i REALLY shouldn't skip them. Not to mention, one of them I really enjoy. Anyway, as I was lying there, I kept having the thought that I needed to do my scripture study before I left for the day. I usually get up early in the mornings and do it before I head off to school. Not only do I start my day off early so I have more time to get stuff done, but it really influences my day. I know that certain times to study vary by person, but I find I can get it done best in the morning and it's a great start to my day. Mainly because when I try to do it at night, I often will skip it because I have homework and stuff, or I'm just plain tired. And ever since Trent left, and I quit one of my two jobs I've tried to make it my priority to do it first thing when I get up. And I've been pretty diligent at it. Back to the story: I felt like I still needed to do it. But when I finally dragged myself out of bed I went straight to facebook and started fooling around on the internet. After a few minutes, I realized that I needed to get moving, and I decided to read my scriptures.
Normally, I'll study for a period of time out of something like Preach my Gospel and then go to reading the scriptures for a few minutes. But today I decided to just read a couple of chapters out of the Book of Mormon, and i'm currently reading in Third Nephi when Christ appears to the Nephites after his Resurrection. As I focused on that I just had this feeling of peace come to me, and my sadness went away. I knew I loved Trent very much, but I needed to keep going as well. I'm so thankful for the scriptures and the spirit that we get from them.
So, the next goal was to get ready for the day and make it to class on time. So I turned on music as I started to get ready. Now, I must tell you, unless I'm horribly depressed, music really can change my mood. I LOVE music. Like a lot, and it really helps me to get moving and i like to think about what is said in some songs. And I specifically picked a song that I knew wouldn't chase off the spirit that I had barely recieved. So I took a song that is on Carrie Underwood's new CD "Blown Away" called "See you again". Now I recently found out that she originally wrote this song for the new Chronicles of Narnia movie, but the one that ended up in the movie ended up being chosen instead. She loved it so much though that she decided to put it on the new album. And while I understand that it talks about how we'll see our loved ones after we pass on I really wanted to listen to it though, and while it doesn't entirely relate to the whole missionary being gone thing I still like the lyrics and so I played it over and over. Here is a link to the song:
Anyway, as I was listening to it, I knew that Trent hadn't passed away, but he was still gone and I obviously can't communicate with him as much as I would like to. But I know that if this is meant to be that I'll get to see him again. And then he can be mine forever. :)
Well, I headed to school and started going through my day, everything was good. Until I found out that i hadn't passed my Philosophy test. I really don't know what I'm going to do about that class. Just buckle down and hope to get a C I suppose. So, that put a bit of a damper on my day, but whatever. Well I ran some errands then sat down to eat and look around my facebook and e-mail before my next class. Well I noticed I had a new e-mail, figuring it was spam I went to go delete it but it was from him!!! I was extatic, I can't even explain how happy I instantly became. Here's what he said:
Hey Bubbles,
Anyway, I pushed my alarm back until a little after 8:30 and that's when I knew I had to at least get up because I had a class at 11. In fact, I felt so down this morning while I was grabbing a few extra minutes of sleep that I was considering skipping at least the first two classes of the day, if not all of them. I figured I'd at least have to go to the last two since they relate to my major and i REALLY shouldn't skip them. Not to mention, one of them I really enjoy. Anyway, as I was lying there, I kept having the thought that I needed to do my scripture study before I left for the day. I usually get up early in the mornings and do it before I head off to school. Not only do I start my day off early so I have more time to get stuff done, but it really influences my day. I know that certain times to study vary by person, but I find I can get it done best in the morning and it's a great start to my day. Mainly because when I try to do it at night, I often will skip it because I have homework and stuff, or I'm just plain tired. And ever since Trent left, and I quit one of my two jobs I've tried to make it my priority to do it first thing when I get up. And I've been pretty diligent at it. Back to the story: I felt like I still needed to do it. But when I finally dragged myself out of bed I went straight to facebook and started fooling around on the internet. After a few minutes, I realized that I needed to get moving, and I decided to read my scriptures.
Normally, I'll study for a period of time out of something like Preach my Gospel and then go to reading the scriptures for a few minutes. But today I decided to just read a couple of chapters out of the Book of Mormon, and i'm currently reading in Third Nephi when Christ appears to the Nephites after his Resurrection. As I focused on that I just had this feeling of peace come to me, and my sadness went away. I knew I loved Trent very much, but I needed to keep going as well. I'm so thankful for the scriptures and the spirit that we get from them.
So, the next goal was to get ready for the day and make it to class on time. So I turned on music as I started to get ready. Now, I must tell you, unless I'm horribly depressed, music really can change my mood. I LOVE music. Like a lot, and it really helps me to get moving and i like to think about what is said in some songs. And I specifically picked a song that I knew wouldn't chase off the spirit that I had barely recieved. So I took a song that is on Carrie Underwood's new CD "Blown Away" called "See you again". Now I recently found out that she originally wrote this song for the new Chronicles of Narnia movie, but the one that ended up in the movie ended up being chosen instead. She loved it so much though that she decided to put it on the new album. And while I understand that it talks about how we'll see our loved ones after we pass on I really wanted to listen to it though, and while it doesn't entirely relate to the whole missionary being gone thing I still like the lyrics and so I played it over and over. Here is a link to the song:
Well, I headed to school and started going through my day, everything was good. Until I found out that i hadn't passed my Philosophy test. I really don't know what I'm going to do about that class. Just buckle down and hope to get a C I suppose. So, that put a bit of a damper on my day, but whatever. Well I ran some errands then sat down to eat and look around my facebook and e-mail before my next class. Well I noticed I had a new e-mail, figuring it was spam I went to go delete it but it was from him!!! I was extatic, I can't even explain how happy I instantly became. Here's what he said:
Hey Bubbles,
I'm going to keep writing you letters because I prefer it that way, but if you want to email me occasionally you can. I would prefer letters though...they mean more to me and they're like and awesome surprise in the middle of the week. I've actually wrote you one already for this week, but I wanted to let you know I got the tape player and I'll start on that soon. Also here is my address:
7243 Shirley Ave apt 27
Reseda, Ca 91335-3469
Love your prince Charming,
Elder Chaney
He totally is my Prince Charming too!!! Oh I love that boy, He always seems to know when to send me a letter or to remind me how much he loves me. He's awesome, I totally cannot wait until he comes home and he's mine forever.
Anyway, the point of this all can be summarized into two main points: 1. Don't forget to always Trust the Lord, and if you put him first and make getting back to him your goal you wont ever be disappointed. and 2. Find the thing that speaks to you, and can make your cloudy day sunny.
And lastly, a letter or message from the one you love never hurts to make the day even better. :)
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Choosing to be happy, despite everything
I recently had to write an analysis paper for my Ethics and Values class where I took a piece of a writing done by Viktor Frankl where he talked about how we can still find meaning and happiness in our lives despite our situation. And I was annoyed at my teacher at how he seemed to downplay what Frankl was trying to say by equating it to saying that well even though life sucks we should keep our chin up. And I disagreed. I had the opportunity to read his book "Man's Search for Meaning" over the summer. And I will tell you, it is a must read! It's not a novel but there is so much to be learned from this man's experience and how he got through said experience.
For those of you who don't know, Viktor Frankl lived in Austria/Germany around the time that Hitler came to power and he ended up in the concentration camp Auschwitz with his family. During the Holocaust, as many of you probably know it turned into an every man for himself situation. Yet there were many stories of people who still served others in the camp. For instance: Corrie Ten Boom and her story the Hiding Place, she talks about that when her and her sister Betsy helped others and served others they were really blessed for what they did. And they were also able to start to see the good in their situation. For instance: the hut that they were confined into was infested with lice, which actually kept the guards away and the prisoners in that specific hut were generally left alone. After awhile of trusting God and moving forward, they were able to find that they could hold a Bible study group because they were not going to be disturbed and they had some peace where they could not only help themselves by reading teachings from the Bible, but they were also able bless the other women in the camp as well.
Going back to the paper, I started it by basically stating that no life is devoid of trials or struggles. For those of us who are LDS we fundamentally understand that trials are given to us to shape us, stretch us, and teach us things about ourselves that we never could have figured out on our own. And Frankl really helps us to see that even in a concentration camp, there still could be humanity, service, and a general happiness and meaning in life. What he says mostly is that it was the attitude of the individual that got them through the harsh environment of the camp. And those that found some sort of meaning to keep going, were the ones who made it longer than those who gave up. In fact, he says that you could tell when someone had given up on life, and you knew that it wouldn't be long before they passed away.
Life is never easy, I've had my own barrage of trials, some things were from choices I've made that have given me consequences I've had to learn from. Others, just happened. And some things I've been through I look back and wonder how on earth I made it to where I am now. It seemed so huge, so insurmountable, and yet I've overcome it. And in the process, I've learned a multitude of things about myself. My search for meaning, it's still a process, and it's something that I'm trying to learn how to live and to be happy in the moment, to take the opportunity to see the beauty and the little things around me that make up my world. Things I enjoy and find beautiful. In fact, it was one thing that Trent challenged me to do while he was gone. It was SO EASY to be happy while he was here. And even happier when we were together, but I'm still searching for my true happiness, the happiness that defines me and that is with me no matter where I am in my day or my life.
".....happiness cannot be pursued, it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen....you have to let it happen by not caring about it"
-Viktor Frankl
So, happiness can come, and it generally comes when we don't actively search for it. Combine that with a reason to be happy, or by influencing our lives with something that can bring that happiness. The Gospel does that for us, it brings us such understanding and happiness into our day if we choose to let it, and we choose to follow it. Focusing on the true meaning of life and the actual reason we're here is what will make us happy even when life sucks.
3 Nephi 13:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."
For those of you who don't know, Viktor Frankl lived in Austria/Germany around the time that Hitler came to power and he ended up in the concentration camp Auschwitz with his family. During the Holocaust, as many of you probably know it turned into an every man for himself situation. Yet there were many stories of people who still served others in the camp. For instance: Corrie Ten Boom and her story the Hiding Place, she talks about that when her and her sister Betsy helped others and served others they were really blessed for what they did. And they were also able to start to see the good in their situation. For instance: the hut that they were confined into was infested with lice, which actually kept the guards away and the prisoners in that specific hut were generally left alone. After awhile of trusting God and moving forward, they were able to find that they could hold a Bible study group because they were not going to be disturbed and they had some peace where they could not only help themselves by reading teachings from the Bible, but they were also able bless the other women in the camp as well.
Going back to the paper, I started it by basically stating that no life is devoid of trials or struggles. For those of us who are LDS we fundamentally understand that trials are given to us to shape us, stretch us, and teach us things about ourselves that we never could have figured out on our own. And Frankl really helps us to see that even in a concentration camp, there still could be humanity, service, and a general happiness and meaning in life. What he says mostly is that it was the attitude of the individual that got them through the harsh environment of the camp. And those that found some sort of meaning to keep going, were the ones who made it longer than those who gave up. In fact, he says that you could tell when someone had given up on life, and you knew that it wouldn't be long before they passed away.
Life is never easy, I've had my own barrage of trials, some things were from choices I've made that have given me consequences I've had to learn from. Others, just happened. And some things I've been through I look back and wonder how on earth I made it to where I am now. It seemed so huge, so insurmountable, and yet I've overcome it. And in the process, I've learned a multitude of things about myself. My search for meaning, it's still a process, and it's something that I'm trying to learn how to live and to be happy in the moment, to take the opportunity to see the beauty and the little things around me that make up my world. Things I enjoy and find beautiful. In fact, it was one thing that Trent challenged me to do while he was gone. It was SO EASY to be happy while he was here. And even happier when we were together, but I'm still searching for my true happiness, the happiness that defines me and that is with me no matter where I am in my day or my life.
".....happiness cannot be pursued, it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen....you have to let it happen by not caring about it"
-Viktor Frankl
So, happiness can come, and it generally comes when we don't actively search for it. Combine that with a reason to be happy, or by influencing our lives with something that can bring that happiness. The Gospel does that for us, it brings us such understanding and happiness into our day if we choose to let it, and we choose to follow it. Focusing on the true meaning of life and the actual reason we're here is what will make us happy even when life sucks.
3 Nephi 13:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."
Thursday, October 18, 2012
One thing
Isn't it amazing how one little thing can turn your day right around. Even if it's at the very end of the day? Well, yesterday I was seriously missing Trent and I have classes until late on Monday/Wednesday. So, I didn't get home until almost 9 at night. I had been gone literally all day which is typical but it sucks when you don't feel good emotionally. But I promised myself I'd stop skipping my night class, (actually all my classes, but that one in particular) so I forced myself through it, although I wanted nothing more than to go home and go straight to bed. And do a little bit of crying in the process.
After what felt like forever I arrived home and was greeted by my awesome roommates. I still wasn't in the best of moods, that is until Daniela told me there was a surprise on my bed. NOW, that's what we do, when a roommate get's a letter or something important we put it on their beds so I knew what that meant. I hurried back to my bedroom to find he'd sent me a card. With a cat on it, because I love cats. He hates them, but he knows how much I like them. Lol. It was a brief note, but I appreciated it all the same. He wanted to send me something before he left for California so I got a card. In it he told me how much he missed me but how grateful he was for my love and support and asked me to keep up the constant letters because he really appreciated them. :) Then, there was a section with little notes from members in his M.T.C district including his companion. Several of them told me I'd meet them at the wedding, and another said he had been dubbed the best man. Lol, Trent already has this worked out. Looks like I need to get to work on my end. Anyway, totally made my night and I ended up laughing and smiling instead of crying my heart out.
Today, I got a forwarded e-mail from his mom, with a picture of the new missionaries to the San Fernando Mission. I don't know why he doesn't smile, the stinker. But he's the one in the middle of the back row. Blonde with the glasses. Haha, Love this kid.
After what felt like forever I arrived home and was greeted by my awesome roommates. I still wasn't in the best of moods, that is until Daniela told me there was a surprise on my bed. NOW, that's what we do, when a roommate get's a letter or something important we put it on their beds so I knew what that meant. I hurried back to my bedroom to find he'd sent me a card. With a cat on it, because I love cats. He hates them, but he knows how much I like them. Lol. It was a brief note, but I appreciated it all the same. He wanted to send me something before he left for California so I got a card. In it he told me how much he missed me but how grateful he was for my love and support and asked me to keep up the constant letters because he really appreciated them. :) Then, there was a section with little notes from members in his M.T.C district including his companion. Several of them told me I'd meet them at the wedding, and another said he had been dubbed the best man. Lol, Trent already has this worked out. Looks like I need to get to work on my end. Anyway, totally made my night and I ended up laughing and smiling instead of crying my heart out.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Isn't he so cute? I love this guy. Such a nut.
About Us
I've never considered myself an avid blogger. In fact, I don't know how well I'm going to stay on top of this thing but I figured I'd give it a try. Especially since I really enjoy writing this might be a good way to get a lot of emotions down on paper that aren't exactly directed at my missionary, or at others. :)
Anyway, about me:
I'm 21 years old, a native of Utah County Utah, a junior in college and I have two years left in school before I graduate with my Bachelor of Arts Degree. (Well, that's the projected date. I'm supposed to graduate in two years. Crossing my fingers that all plays out. It usually does as we all could probably remember with High School, but still it's the anxiety of the wait to make sure you took all the right classes before they hand you the degree.) I'm pursuing a career in American Sign Language Interpreting. It's a tough road, and it's been good, lots of ups and downs but seeing the finish line up ahead makes me all the more willing to finish the degree. The actual title is 'Deaf Studies' but I usually just say ASL interpreting because most people thing I say "Death studies". Now while I find forensics and anthropology cool, I'm not into studying death. haha.
My missionary (Trent) is 24, from South-West Ohio, and he actually joined the LDS Church a little over two years ago. I'm very proud of him for literally putting his life on hold and going to serve the Lord. I know serving a mission is a big decision for everyone that is old enough to make. But for him to go at 24, especially after we started dating really lets me know that he understands his priorities and is willing to do them despite the sacrifice that is included.
We technically met a little over a year ago when my sister was dating my now brother-in-law Scott. Scott served his mission in Columbus Ohio and while he wasn't one of the missionaries that converted Trent, they did end up meeting right before Scott came home and hit it off really quickly. They stayed in contact and when Trent was driving semi-trucks across country he one day ended up in Salt Lake City for mechanical issues. He then decided to contact Scott about having someone to spend time with while he was there and to go to Church with someone he knew as well. After church Scott drug him over to my families home because my sister Natalie and Scott were inseparable. So Trent, came along, and was I guess enjoying his time talking with my mom and siblings when I came home. I was dating someone else at the time, but I remember seeing him as I walked into my parent's front room, and of course wondering who he was because I'd never seen him before. And I thought he was cute from the get go. Although I felt guilty for thinking that way because I did have a boyfriend. His experience though was completely different. And although I believe he exaggerates the story a bit I love hearing him tell it. According to him, he heard the door open and he looked to see me walk in the room. And he could swear on the bible that when I walked into the room it was like in a movie because there was lights and wind blowing through my hair, and he also swears he could hear angels singing. haha. Needless to say he was smitten, but then he saw my boyfriend and felt a little deflated. But for the next several minutes while I was there visiting we flirted slightly and we also played the eye contact game where you look at the other person until they look at you then you quickly look away.
Well we went our separate ways, he went back to his job and I went back to my life. My boyfriend and I ended things because I was moving back to Provo for school and he was getting ready to leave for a mission and I told him I wasn't going to wait for him because I didn't believe in the idea at the time. By that time Trent and I had forgotten about each other. Simply due to the fact I'd gotten off facebook and didn't get back on for several months after we met. Well, he found me in late January of this year and added me. Now, I normally don't add people I didn't know, but I justified myself since we had technically met and accepted the friend request. Then we still didn't do anything, I was busy with school and he wasn't sure how to make a move without freaking me out. Haha. So, it started slow, wishing me a Happy Birthday, liking an occasional post of picture here and there, but it wasn't enough for me to remember who he was, and every time he would do something like that I had to look at his wall and figure out who he was again. Until about finals week when he got brave and started commenting on my post about trying to get caught up with last minute homework. He caught my attention then, and I thought he was super nice.
A few days later I was getting ready to go to school to take a final, and he messaged me through facebook saying that he had a train ride ahead of him and he had nothing to do, then he suggested I should text him and gave me his number. I was in a good mood so I complied and texted him back really quickly. Needless to say, the rest is history. We started exchanging texts and occasionally talked on the phone. We also seriously started facebook stalking each other. And when we would talk on the phone I would giggle like a silly school girl which landed me the nickname "Bubbles". After a few weeks of this our conversations turned more serious when we shared with each other key moments from our past that have seriously affected our lives. I honestly believe that was the night we started to fall for each other. And a week later we finally admitted our feelings. He flew out to visit me in June and that's when we officially started dating.
When I was with him, and everytime I was with him after that, it just felt natural, holding hands, cuddling, kissing. There was no awkwardness from doing those things with him. And he treated me the way I truly deserved to be treated. He even sent me flowers soon after coming home from that first visit. Making him the first guy I have ever dated to do that. I'm a hopeless romantic so that gave him HUGE brownie points in my book. Near the end of July he paid for a plane ticket to fly me out to Ohio, and I arrived there right as his mission call did, so I had the opportunity to be there with him when he opened it. He even took me to Kirtland which was a 4 hour drive to the North, but he did it because I had never been there. We also had the opportunity to spend the last few days before he left together and I wouldn't trade those days for anything.
Needless to say, he makes me happy, and I love him more than anything. We feel it might work out for us. In fact, we feel very strongly that it will. But I'm still allowing my Heavenly Father to lead me where I need to go and if it's not with him well, I'll be really sad, but I'll know that it'll be for the best. He's been gone for three weeks and I miss him terribly. I'm not interested in dating currently, that might change in awhile but I don't know. I know that it'll get easier with time. Especially if I stay busy. And with two years of school left along with several levels of Interpreters Certification to go through, I'll definitely be able to do that. Two years feels like it'll be forever, but I'm confident that it'll be a good two years for both of us and we'll both be able to learn a lot. I just pray that I can be what he deserves to have when I get back.
SO! That's our story. Well, the readers digest version that is. I might update with more detailed stories in the future. But that's us, and I'm excited to see where I go and who I can become while he's off serving the Lord. :)
Anyway, about me:
I'm 21 years old, a native of Utah County Utah, a junior in college and I have two years left in school before I graduate with my Bachelor of Arts Degree. (Well, that's the projected date. I'm supposed to graduate in two years. Crossing my fingers that all plays out. It usually does as we all could probably remember with High School, but still it's the anxiety of the wait to make sure you took all the right classes before they hand you the degree.) I'm pursuing a career in American Sign Language Interpreting. It's a tough road, and it's been good, lots of ups and downs but seeing the finish line up ahead makes me all the more willing to finish the degree. The actual title is 'Deaf Studies' but I usually just say ASL interpreting because most people thing I say "Death studies". Now while I find forensics and anthropology cool, I'm not into studying death. haha.
My missionary (Trent) is 24, from South-West Ohio, and he actually joined the LDS Church a little over two years ago. I'm very proud of him for literally putting his life on hold and going to serve the Lord. I know serving a mission is a big decision for everyone that is old enough to make. But for him to go at 24, especially after we started dating really lets me know that he understands his priorities and is willing to do them despite the sacrifice that is included.
We technically met a little over a year ago when my sister was dating my now brother-in-law Scott. Scott served his mission in Columbus Ohio and while he wasn't one of the missionaries that converted Trent, they did end up meeting right before Scott came home and hit it off really quickly. They stayed in contact and when Trent was driving semi-trucks across country he one day ended up in Salt Lake City for mechanical issues. He then decided to contact Scott about having someone to spend time with while he was there and to go to Church with someone he knew as well. After church Scott drug him over to my families home because my sister Natalie and Scott were inseparable. So Trent, came along, and was I guess enjoying his time talking with my mom and siblings when I came home. I was dating someone else at the time, but I remember seeing him as I walked into my parent's front room, and of course wondering who he was because I'd never seen him before. And I thought he was cute from the get go. Although I felt guilty for thinking that way because I did have a boyfriend. His experience though was completely different. And although I believe he exaggerates the story a bit I love hearing him tell it. According to him, he heard the door open and he looked to see me walk in the room. And he could swear on the bible that when I walked into the room it was like in a movie because there was lights and wind blowing through my hair, and he also swears he could hear angels singing. haha. Needless to say he was smitten, but then he saw my boyfriend and felt a little deflated. But for the next several minutes while I was there visiting we flirted slightly and we also played the eye contact game where you look at the other person until they look at you then you quickly look away.
Well we went our separate ways, he went back to his job and I went back to my life. My boyfriend and I ended things because I was moving back to Provo for school and he was getting ready to leave for a mission and I told him I wasn't going to wait for him because I didn't believe in the idea at the time. By that time Trent and I had forgotten about each other. Simply due to the fact I'd gotten off facebook and didn't get back on for several months after we met. Well, he found me in late January of this year and added me. Now, I normally don't add people I didn't know, but I justified myself since we had technically met and accepted the friend request. Then we still didn't do anything, I was busy with school and he wasn't sure how to make a move without freaking me out. Haha. So, it started slow, wishing me a Happy Birthday, liking an occasional post of picture here and there, but it wasn't enough for me to remember who he was, and every time he would do something like that I had to look at his wall and figure out who he was again. Until about finals week when he got brave and started commenting on my post about trying to get caught up with last minute homework. He caught my attention then, and I thought he was super nice.
A few days later I was getting ready to go to school to take a final, and he messaged me through facebook saying that he had a train ride ahead of him and he had nothing to do, then he suggested I should text him and gave me his number. I was in a good mood so I complied and texted him back really quickly. Needless to say, the rest is history. We started exchanging texts and occasionally talked on the phone. We also seriously started facebook stalking each other. And when we would talk on the phone I would giggle like a silly school girl which landed me the nickname "Bubbles". After a few weeks of this our conversations turned more serious when we shared with each other key moments from our past that have seriously affected our lives. I honestly believe that was the night we started to fall for each other. And a week later we finally admitted our feelings. He flew out to visit me in June and that's when we officially started dating.
When I was with him, and everytime I was with him after that, it just felt natural, holding hands, cuddling, kissing. There was no awkwardness from doing those things with him. And he treated me the way I truly deserved to be treated. He even sent me flowers soon after coming home from that first visit. Making him the first guy I have ever dated to do that. I'm a hopeless romantic so that gave him HUGE brownie points in my book. Near the end of July he paid for a plane ticket to fly me out to Ohio, and I arrived there right as his mission call did, so I had the opportunity to be there with him when he opened it. He even took me to Kirtland which was a 4 hour drive to the North, but he did it because I had never been there. We also had the opportunity to spend the last few days before he left together and I wouldn't trade those days for anything.
Needless to say, he makes me happy, and I love him more than anything. We feel it might work out for us. In fact, we feel very strongly that it will. But I'm still allowing my Heavenly Father to lead me where I need to go and if it's not with him well, I'll be really sad, but I'll know that it'll be for the best. He's been gone for three weeks and I miss him terribly. I'm not interested in dating currently, that might change in awhile but I don't know. I know that it'll get easier with time. Especially if I stay busy. And with two years of school left along with several levels of Interpreters Certification to go through, I'll definitely be able to do that. Two years feels like it'll be forever, but I'm confident that it'll be a good two years for both of us and we'll both be able to learn a lot. I just pray that I can be what he deserves to have when I get back.
SO! That's our story. Well, the readers digest version that is. I might update with more detailed stories in the future. But that's us, and I'm excited to see where I go and who I can become while he's off serving the Lord. :)
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