I have never been one of those lucky girls to have a boyfriend for Valentines day. Sure, I always wished for it. I'm kind of a hopeless romantic in that sense and it really doesn't help that my birthday is two days before valentines day.
I remember back when I was in high school. Wishing someone would notice me, or give me a candy gram or something to show they cared for me. Unfortunately, that never came. So, I guess I came to despise the holiday in a sense because I wasn't seeming to find the one thing that I wanted in this life. Someone to care for me.
High School ended, and I went to college. Met a guy, which if you've been following my blog or if you know my story this shouldn't be new to you. I was so excited to finally have someone who seemingly cared for me. And Valentines day was something I looked forward too. The roses, the candy, the cheesy stuffed animals. It looked hopeful. Until everything came crashing down around me around Christmas that year. It was a good thing, because the relationship was extremely unhealthy. Abuse is something that is never fun, and there was no real love there, he only wanted me for very specific reasons, and they weren't pure in the least bit. So, I ended up spending Valentines day alone, yet again. Although, this year and the years that followed to this point were seemingly worse than when I'd been the shy insecure girl from a small charter high school. I was broken, I felt used and like no one could ever truly love me.
(Ok, I lied a little, I did have some attention that Valentines day, but it was very much unwanted attention. The guy was nice, but I had no feelings for him whatsoever)
ANYWAY: That was 2010, in between then to now there have obviously been almost three valentines days. And each time, I felt lonesome. Sure, someone would sort of come into my life, but it was always after the fact, and of course there were the men vying for my attention that I really had no feelings towards. It still makes a girl want to question herself you know? Wondering if my standards and tastes were a little too high. Settling, while it's never a good option, was definitely becoming an option. I probably came across as desperate because I wanted to feel loved and wanted so badly.
Well, two and a half months after Valentines day last year, Trent and I started talking. This was a guy I completely liked, and I fell for him rather quickly, which excited me, but on the other hand it scared me too. Rushing into something like a serious relationship scares me to death because, I always get hurt. But when I prayed about it, I felt nothing but peace. Also my brother-in-law told me he was one of the best men he knew, so I felt like I should give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him. Obviously I stuck with it because he's now my missionary and I love him very much.
I told him about my past, and he shared with me stuff from his past, before he had joined the church. And despite the fact that I had "messed up" and "screwed up" my life, he didn't care. He wanted to know the real me, and he did just that. He came to know me and in the process, we fell for each other.
(Random tidbit: Trent was the first guy EVER to buy me a dozen roses. Definitely a keeper. Wouldn't you agree?)
Anyway, we have been together for a little over 8 months. Four of those months he's been out serving the Lord and the people of San Fernando. I couldn't ask for a better man, a man who knows what he needs to do in order to prove himself worthy of me.
And this year, I finally had my valentine. A man to tell me I'm beautiful and try his hardest to show me his love and affection although we still have 19 1/2 months until we will see each other again. It's definitely not the way I planned to spend my first valentines day with a man I cared for, but it'll do. In his card that he sent me, he told me how grateful he was that I was in his life, and how hard he is working to prove himself to the Lord that he deserves me and the children we will hopefully raise together. I love him so very much.
So for all you girls out there, who either have missionaries out in the field, or who will be spending another Valentines day alone. Remember this, the Lord will bring the right person into your life when the time is right. And remember, it's on the Lord's timetable, not ours.
For the girls who feel worthless because they can't seem to attract a guy. The Lord has a special man in store for you, that he's preparing specifically for you.
And lastly, remember who you are, you are daughters of God who have so much more potential than we allow ourselves to believe.
Happy Valentines day, whether you have someone, you're waiting for someone, or you're waiting for that right guy to come into your life. Eventually, it will come. <3
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