That lost feeling

Hey everyone,
So, naturally I've slacked off again and so tonight I have decided to write about what ails me.

(As if I don't do that enough right? haha)

Anyway, as I may have stated earlier in this blog, I was diagnosed with Depression in early January, and with that comes some slight anxiety and paranoia.  It sucks, it truly does, and I felt like I could fight back with a metal bat or something.

But this stuff doesn't go away overnight.  There is a very definite healing process that needs to take place, and often it'll take longer than we would prefer.  Sure, fighting back is good, at least it has been in my situation because it's a start to get a handle on everything.  But the thing for me about fighting it, is that I'm not accepting the problem, just ignoring it and hiding it.  And sometimes, you need to take it on in a different fashion to the point where you have to let it permeate you again, so that you can kill it with kindness so to speak.

I've still yet to learn this lesson.

The best way I can describe it to my readers is like taking a pop bottle, and shaking it up, shaking, shaking and shaking until the pressure in the bottle is so much more than it can take.  And then the cap comes off, or it just eventually explodes.  Unfortunately, that's how I deal with my problems.  I bottle them up, and try to tell myself that the shaking of life around me isn't affecting me as much as it truly is.  Then something happens, and that cap comes off, and I end up being so much more depressed, so much more self conscious, and I always feel so lost and dark inside.  Unfortunately it's also during those times that I feel hopelessly worthless and lost.

And as a member of the LDS Church, I know the truth of both those things.  I'm a daughter of God, and I have never been, nor will I ever be worthless in His eyes.  And in the end, it's how He thinks of us and how we see ourselves that matters.  Not anyone else can tell us otherwise.  As for the lost feeling, I know where I can turn to, but sometimes, it's hard to remember those things because, come on, we all like to try and fix things ourselves right?




I thought the same thing when I was in debt a month ago, I can do it, I'll be alright.  Then my parents got a notification from the bank that I was late on payments and well, there was no more hiding it to myself convincing myself that it'll be ok.   Because it never will.  And honestly, if we are willing to be honest with ourselves and with God, (and our parents as well) that is always such a huge burden that can be taken off of your shoulders.  It may not magically fix the problem, but you have people that are there beside you to help you through it.   And with my  being in debt situation, it was good knowing that my parents knew because they were pushing me to take care of it before it became too bad and out of control.

In the end, we all will go through times where we feel lost, but if we turn to our Heavenly Father and rely on Christ's Atoning Sacrifice, we don't have to be completely lost.  Sure, there will be times in life that may seem dark, but with them we can survive and we can make it though while learning what we need to learn. 

I love my religion, and I love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, with them all things are possible, and with them I can succeed at all things.  I am so thankful that I don't have to live my life in a continuous feeling of loss wandering from place to place.  And that means that I know in my heart that this lost feeling wont last forever, which makes it so much easier to go from day to day until it becomes easier because we've successfully made it out of the fog that life gives us.