Kicking off my New Adventure

So, I have a tendency to do crazy things when I'm upset or depressed.
Like dying my hair

Or signing up for LDS Singles.
Or putting my guinea pigs on KSL because I've decided I want to give them better homes, THAT and they're a bit expensive.  AND I want a dog, because dogs are more loving than guinea pigs are.
Even better?  I decided to do all of these things around the same time.

Think I'm crazy now?
Why would I do all of these things?
WELL... it's because Trent and I are no longer together.
I know, shocking right.  After being together for 18 months and 14 of those months I was waiting for him, it's over.  I'm still unsure of what happened, but what I do know is that inside of one week he went from loving boyfriend, the man I knew and loved dearly, to a complete jerk. And someone I didn't know at all.  He's given me the impression that he doesn't care. And I feel tossed aside like a toy that he's bored with. Which hurts, it really hurts.  Sure, there were things we both did and said that were stupid.  Of course things are going to get hard, they've been difficult for me.  Waiting for a missionary isn't an easy task and I applaud those girls who do it and end up with their boys.

Fact of the matter is, not everyone will.
Fact of the matter is, people do change.
Fact of the matter is, you can put every ounce of yourself into a relationship, and remain faithfully loyal to someone even when you're lonely on the weekends and it will still crumble to pieces in front of you.
                                              And that's by far the worst one of them all

For me, this has happened twice.  BUT this time was the first time I really and truly cared about the person.  The first time, I was young, immature, thought I knew everything and I was infatuated.
I was infatuated when I sent Trent off, we both were, but it was possible to make things work, we both just had to be willing to put for the effort.
So deciding to walk away was a difficult decision, especially after investing so much into this relationship.  Not to mention, I loved him dearly and I would have done anything to make him happy.  I don't know what changed, but logic tells me that he wasn't completely honest and open with me, and I'm seeing it now.  Not feeling appreciated anymore is the worst feeling in the world.

So, I'm moving on, and trying not to hold onto these crumbled hopes and dreams.  I've cried a bit, because the emotion has to come out sometime right?  And I'm walking down the path that I know I need to be taking.  Since I can't control a lot of what has happened this semester, I can control some things, and that's the crazy stuff like dying my hair, selling my pigs, or signing up for LDS Singles.

It's time for a new adventure, because the one I started on has come to an end.  I've learned a lot of things about myself, and I'm slowly starting to build up my confidence.  I don't need a guy to make me happy, because if I see it that way, I'm going to end up with a jerk.  And frankly, I'm done dating jerks, they sap the life out of me.
Who knows where this path will lead me, I have a couple of vague ideas.  Graduation being one of them.  But otherwise, I'm trying to be open to what life may bring.  I'm going to get myself a dog, I may travel, I may take a break and be a beach bum. I don't know.  But whatever it is, as long as it's right, I'm accepting it, and I'm ok with it.
So let the new adventures start with me getting a little bit crazy.

Crossroads - to take the road less traveled

Robert Frost wrote a poem entitled "The Road less Traveled"
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference"

As we all know, life is kind of it's own free spirited being.  It can be kind, and it can be cruel.  At least, from our perspective it can be.  And in our darkest or troubling times if we remember that the Lord is in control and that He loves us and will intervene on our behalf sometimes.  But at the times we hit that cross roads, taking the road less traveled will often be the harder choice - a choice I have made several times in my life, and will most likely make several more times - just like the end of the poem, it will make all of the difference in our lives both present and future.   Taking it one step at a time, we will eventually understand the bigger picture, and arrive at the place that Heavenly Father wants us to be.  

What is the deal about "Gay Marriage" anyway?

Gay Marriage, Gay rights.  We've heard the arguments, and every day we see more and more people siding with them.  And going after those who are not.

What's the deal?
I'll tell you what the deal is, at least from my perspective.  With movements like this no one is allowed to voice their opinion, unless they are involved in the movement.  Anyway, myself included, who disagrees is ripped to pieces, called names, and treated as if we are the bane of their existence.  They demand their rights, they demand their free speech.  Yet those of us who oppose them are stripped of our rights to free speech.  How is that fair?  I have a right to disagree with people, yet they tell me that if I do I'm not only wrong but I'm a bigot and I'm discriminating against those who are "different" than me.

I'll admit, yes I am discriminating, but not in they way they're telling me I am.  We as human beings discriminate on a daily basis.
For example: I ask you, the reader, to choose between an apple or an orange.  Hypothetically, lets say you choose the apple.
Well how dare you for discriminating against those oranges! What did they ever do to you anyway huh? It wouldn't hurt you to pick the orange, so why didn't you do it?
Now, as silly as that sounds I would hope that it's a start to proving my point.  There are two types of discrimination.  The first was the example I just gave you, it's a process of elimination and a way to coming to a decision.  I do it on a daily basis, and you do it every day too.  The second one, obviously is the type of discrimination America saw pre Civil Rights movement, with the African Americans in the south.  Choosing not to like someone because of the color of their skin and preventing them to attain to the same place as their white peers was wrong.  Period.   In relation to those who struggle with same sex attraction and identify themselves as gay or lesbian I believe the discrimination happens when bullying becomes a factor.  When people are blatantly rude because of an individuals sexual orientation.  That is wrong because I believe these people who identify themselves as that have the right to do so, and we don't need to be mean to them, they are our brothers and sisters after all.
BUT, the discrimination they are claiming we who oppose them are doing I believe relates back to my first example.  I have a right to make a decision to not support what they are doing.  I have a right to not support their agenda.  (side note: marriage is not a right that we as American Citizens are given. It's an opportunity we choose as legal adults to choose a spouse we desire to be with for the rest of our lives.  It's not a rite of passage)

We see this issue becoming more and more accepted every day.  Especially in the media.  TV shows like GLEE and Modern Family are teaching  the American population that being Gay is ok.  The problem is though, the youth of this country are watching those shows.  The content is being passed off as "funny" and normal, but they are being subjected to the opinions and agendas of the liberal left who supports the LGBT movement for their "rights".

And as much as I would like to agree with them, I can't.  Because acting on homosexual practices and tendencies is not only unnatural, but it goes against the commandments of God.  I know, I know I can't bring God and religion into this.  But guess what? I can.  It's my right, and not only that, but this country was founded by God fearing men and I firmly believe that God had a hand in making sure this country was set up and we were given the rights and freedoms we now enjoy.  So yeah, God has a say in this.

NOW, what God does not say is that we should hate the people who struggle with same sex attraction or who identify themselves as Gay or Lesbian.  Instead, we should love them as best as we can.  But we do not have to accept the act of homosexuality.   There is a difference between the person and the act they are doing.    To clarify this, this applies to those who are straight as well.  Any act that goes against the commandments of God should not be accepted or condoned.  I've made choices that didn't coincide with the doctrine I was raised with and I've had to turn to God and ask for His forgiveness.  I did not force people to accept the act, because it was wrong.  I would like people to accept and love me though, despite the mistakes I have previously made.
Hate the sin, not the sinner.
I wont lie though, sometimes I feel uncomfortable around people who identify themselves as gay or lesbian.  But I also feel uncomfortable around people who are straight but do things I believe are wrong.  I don't hate them, I hate what they are doing because I believe it wont make them happy like they claim it will.

I don't feel this movement is just about marriage for them.  I feel like for the radical members of this group their crusade wont be finished once they get their "right" to marriage. What that is, I don't know and I don't like to speculate about things I don't know to be true.  The main thing though goes back to what I said about wanting people to accept me as a person and not by the sins I had committed when I was younger.  For the LGBT community it's about forced acceptance of not only themselves but also the lifestyle they are pursuing.  I feel the most resistance to them comes from the second one.  They say we hate those who are gay, but what they are really saying is we are not willing to accept their lifestyles.  I do feel like their agenda is being shoved down my throat, which is one of the greatest reasons why I refuse to support their "rights" crusade. I'm the type of person that when I develop an opinion about something my opinion rarely changes.  I also hate being told I'm wrong.  I generally tell people to knock it off when they're telling me I'm wrong or else I can turn into the Hulk. (Just kidding)  Both groups are at odds with each other though.  The only way it really will end is when the radical left will stop attacking and bullying those of us who oppose them.
I'm not going to delve too deeply into the political aspect of this issue, I already have a post on this blog relating to my political opinions on this issue.  The one thing I will say, is that I do not believe these people's constitutional rights are being violated because they are being denied the right to get married.  I mentioned the Civil Rights movement earlier in this blog, THOSE people's rights were being denied.  Segregation was wrong because it was limiting the African Americans in the South from being able to be equal with their White peers.  That was wrong, I will say that much.  In relation to the LGBT's arguments, there is nowhere in law that says marriage is a right.  Their rights are not being violated by not being allowed to marry.  Yet they claim it is, and they bully those of us who disagree.  That's not fair, I have a right to accept or not accept an opinion if I decide not too.  That's exactly what this movement is about, opinions.

So what's the big deal?  Well, it doesn't have to be that huge of a deal if the LGBT community would stop attacking those of us who are against it.   It wouldn't be a huge deal if I knew that it would stop at marriage.  In fact, if I KNEW that is where it would end I probably would let them have their way.  Because that means once they get what they want we generally can all live together in peace and leave one another alone. It gets into other areas and issues such as adoption, or where they can get married and that's when I tend to balk.  I'm sorry, but for me that's when it truly crosses a line.  I also, personally, don't want my children to be influenced by the agendas of people's whose opinions go against what I personally believe, and just like Captain Moroni in the Book of Mormon when he writes the title of liberty, he writes:
                                     "In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom
                                       and our peace, our wives and our children"
That too is my stance, and the reason why for me either supporting or opposing Gay Marriage has become a huge deal in this country.  Because there are still those of us who support the belief that we are watched over and protected by God.  Why is a huge deal?  Why do we oppose it?  Because we feel that those agendas are attacking those same beliefs that we stand for:  Our God, our religion, our freedoms, our peace, and our families.  That is my personal stance, why do I stand against this issue? Because I feel it attacks those things, and I have a right to stand up for myself and for those issues I stand for.

That's the big deal about Gay Marriage.

New Adventures: Submitting to the Lord's will

So remember my last post how I said I had three guinea pig pups?
Not anymore, one of them just passed away.

The precious, sweet little boy.   I knew he was the runt of the litter less than 24 hours after he was born.  He was the smallest out of the three that survived the birth. (I've now lost two of the pups).  He seemed strong though, and like he would be making it in the end with his brother and sister.
It was a couple of days later that I started to worry about him, both of his siblings were up running around and squeaking.  He wasn't, he seemed lethargic and not strong enough to be moving around.  He was moving though and my friends said he was probably fine, just tired.

Last night though, I came into my bedroom to find him lying outside the "pigloo" as they call it.  At first I thought he had been running around with his siblings but then i realized that he couldn't stand up, and he seemed to be gasping for breath.
To make the story short, I went to people who had raised guinea pigs from birth and sought their advice.  Daisy, rejected him in front of me, my roommate and a friend so we were left standing at a crossroads.  To either syringe feed him and get his strength back up, or let him go.  At first I was all gung ho for syringe feeding, but as I got to thinking about it, I didn't have the time, money or energy to take care of a newborn pup.  I'm getting sick for the second time this semester as it is, and I can't afford to wake up every two hours to feed him, then haul him to school with me to make sure he gets fed.  Then, as I kept watching his symptoms, I (and the guinea pig experts) thought he may possibly have an Upper Respiratory Infection which is a common ailment among guinea pigs and is a large cause of death. 
I stood at the crossroads and debated back and forth with what to do.  My gut feeling kept telling me that I needed to let him pass away, but my stubbornness got the better of me so we tried feeding him some liquids (which I did twice) He could hardly open his mouth he was already so weak.  By then it was late and I needed to go to bed, so I wrapped him in a towel to keep him warm and I placed him in the cage with his mom and siblings.  Then I got on my knee's and asked Heavenly Father what I should do, because I trust him and I knew He'd help me.
That's when my gut feeling was confirmed, I needed to let him go.  I cried myself to sleep last night because of what a hard decision I was making.  I was letting a little creature die, even though I could come through and be the hero and save his life.

The next day, I went to class, had dinner with a friend, then came home to do homework. He was still alive by the time I got back, I was surprised, but I put him in the pocket of my hoodie because I knew he would probably not last long and I didn't want him to die alone. 

Over the next several hours I had several people tell me that I should just try to hand feed him and let him live.  Once again I went back to the inner wrestling, but the first decision kept winning.  That, and I could tell he was too far gone for any help. 
About an hour later he passed away finally.  Watching him struggle and suffer at the end was the hardest part for me.  I wanted Heavenly Father to just take him and ease his suffering, I wished there was something I could do to ease his suffering.  But I found myself holding him close and watching him try to fight for life.
When he finally did pass away, the tears came freely.  It was heart breaking, losing a second pup.  Yet at the same time I felt peace, knowing that he was not suffering anymore.  Nor would he ever have to suffer again.


Submitting to the Lord's will is easy when the going is easy.  But when the going get's tough, it's the wrestling between the inner natural man versus what the Lord's will is that makes it difficult.  We are told by the world around us that we need to be independent, save the say, and do it ourselves in order to be successful.  I feel that's how Hollywood and other media forms have failed us.  They've taught us that we cannot experience loss, they've taught us that we cannot but our trust and faith in God and make our will one with His.  We must always remember, that sometimes, the Lord's will is not our own.  Sure, we can always go our own way and do it ourselves.  We may even be successful physically.  But spiritually, we wont be.  The Lord see's the bigger picture, and because of that we must always listen and ask what His will is, not ours.  And it'll be that by matching our will to his that we will become stronger spiritually, and we will be blessed from on high.  Because of that, I will trust my Heavenly Father and my brother Jesus Christ.  By relying on both of them, we will be able to make it through this life and come out on top in the end.  Not unscathed mind you, but we will come out on top.
                                                                    Never forget that.

New Adventures: Baby Guinea pigs

So, many of you don't know that I own Guinea Pigs.  Which, in and of itself has been an adventure.

It all started when Trent hit his 6 month mark.  I decided that since I had made it 6 months I should reward myself in some way.  So, I decided, randomly, to buy a guinea pig.  My friend Kenzie and I skipped class and went to the local PetsMart and I got set up for my little guinea pig.  I named him Gatsby, in honor of the fact that the name not only fits him, but also because it's Trent's favorite novel.

So, I had my little pet.  He was so super shy (still is, in fact he hates it when I try to pick him up).  Anyway, he proved to be a nice way to relieve my depression.  So, I tell people that's why I have him, which is partially true, it's been nice to have an animal to take care of.  Plus, I feel it's making me more responsible. 

Anyway, I had to move to a new apartment complex because the place I lived was going to become extended MTC housing.
 (For those of you who don't know what that is, when young men and women leave on missions for the LDS Church they spend a period of time in the Missionary Training Center.  Depending on if they're speaking a language or not determines how long they stay there.  And since the Church lowered the age for young men and women to serve missions there was a huge influx of missionaries, so they needed a place to house them.)
I got permission though from my new complex to keep Gatsby and so we moved to our new place.

Over the summer I read that Guinea Pigs do better in pairs and several breeders I met confirmed that.  So, I decided to try and get Gatsby a friend so then he wouldn't get too lonely while I was gone in the Fall.  Being a senior + working = not as much time as he needs. So, I started looking on KSL for a guinea pig for sale that I could get for cheap.  And one day luck arrived, the ad said "Free Male Guinea Pig".  What the heck right?  So I contacted him and we met up and I got my second pig:

I kept them separate for a couple of days, then put them together in the same cage.  After a little bit of dominance issues, they got along fairly well.
Then about a month later I felt like I should check to be sure my new little pig was really a boy.  And.... yeah, she wasn't a boy.  By then, they'd been together awhile so I figured she was pregnant.  And deciding to stick with "The Great Gatsby" and literary classic names theme I named her Daisy.

Anyway, I kept watching her for a good month or so, and by the end of September, she was noticeably pregnant.  I spent time at night to hold and pet her, and to check her progress so I could try to estimate how close she was to giving birth.  Several times I was able to feel the babies moving in her belly, and that was a sweet experience and I was reminded what a miracle life is.   Over time, they stopped moving as much so I figured she was close and they must be packed really tightly in there. 
This past friday I was hanging out with my baby sister in my apartment and she wanted to hold Daisy.  Daisy was grumpier than usual so the petting and attention didn't last too long.  A few minutes after we put her back, she started making a weird high pitched squeak and was behaving weird.  After several minutes of that I figured she was about to have her pups, so I got super excited.  Mainly because I had thought I would come home from school one night and they'd just be there, so being able to be there during the birth was really neat for me.
  I'll spare you all the details, but after about 30-40 minutes Daisy gave birth to four little pups.  Unfortunately, one was born dead.  I'm not sure why, I really think she was breached and so wasn't able to get air in time.  That may be the reason, and it may not, but I was still really sad because I didn't think that was going to happen.  Especially since two had been born just fine.   But I soon found comfort in the three little ones that lived, and i have spent the last several days just loving them.  Here's some pictures:

Three little pups

I think this one is a boy, he looks just like his mama

This little guy is the smallest of the litter, but the sweetest and calmest

I think this one is the only girl of the bunch, she's a cutie too and she's going to look like her dad!

The last 72+ hours have been awesome.  They are so sweet and cute, and I'm floored at how tiny they are (yet how big they are in comparison to their mama).  I get to keep them for 6 weeks and I want to make every moment count because these little guys are an adventure in and of themselves. 
Who would have known 7 months ago that I would have had this adventure in my life.  But I'm loving it and I'm grateful for it.  Just like the title of this blog "New Adventures" life is AWESOME! And it's so worth living, especially when you experience something as small as the birth of some baby guinea pigs. 

1 year down! 363 days left + Here's what I did for my year mark package (cheap)

So, it is officially here.

365 days I have been officially waiting for Trenton Chaney.  My best friend, sweet heart and love of my life.

And since he is scheduled to come home September 24th of next year I have less than 365 days to go.

(Happy Dance!)

Anyway, I'd be fooling you all if I said I was 100% perfectly happy today. 
              I mean, I am, but there is a bittersweet feeling tied with being done one year.
For one thing: The knowledge that it has been exactly one year since he held me in his arms, touched me, or kissed me is very surreal, and a little depressing.   BECAUSE THAT"S SUCH A LONG TIME!!! And I would by lying if I said I was ok with that.  Because, I'm not.  But I am, because he's doing a good thing.  Yet, that doesn't mean I'm entirely 100% happy about it.
      I mean, saying he's been gone 6 months, or even 11 months since you've seen him doesn't make it seem too bad. I mean that's a fairly small number, and the idea of it being long (especially since time has flown by) really doesn't occur to you until something (like the year mark) smacks you in the face and says.  "GUESS WHAT? You still have a year left before you can kiss him again"   
            Gee, thanks Reality, I appreciate the reminder.

The other bittersweet part is the realization that he's halfway done.  And having the opportunity to see how he is on a weekly basis forces me to realize that he LOVES his mission and he would probably stay there a lot longer than two years if he was asked too.  So the idea that he's halfway done on this end makes my heart ache for him.  Two years, really isn't that long of a time to immerse yourself into the society you're called to serve in and try to teach those people about the truthfulness of God's plan and how it applies to every living person on this planet.  I really wish I could know what he's thinking or feeling right now, maybe that would make my attitude a bit better.
(Although, in my defense, I am sick today so, yeah, I'm going to be a bit grumpy)

Don't get me wrong, I'm 100% supportive of his mission. And anytime I catch myself wishing him home I feel a little (well, a lot) guilty because I know that not only is he supposed to be there right now, but it's selfish of me to wish him home. I'm an adult, fairly independent, going to school, I should take advantage of the opportunities that are in front of me right now.  Yet I feel that Heavenly Father understands.  We love our missionaries, and we do miss them a lot while they are gone. 
 
I am grateful for the mission, I really am.  And as difficult as it is knowing that I still have 12 months until I will be able to see him again, I secretly look forward to the next year and wonder what I'm going to learn and what experiences I will have.   I guess the silverlining in this cloud is that I don't have ANOTHER 365 days yet to go, and I actually have 363.  That's two whole days less than most people have to do.  I'm such a lucky girl to get that opportunity.  Not to mention, Trent spoils me by making sure i get a letter each week from him. Even though he is busy as District Leader and Training.  Even if it's a couple of paragraphs, he makes sure I get something, so, I really don't have to be too upset because I know he loves and cares for me.  And I know I love him very much and that I need to stick this wait out.  Trent brings something different to the table than any other relationships have for me.  He truly loves me and accepts me for who I am.  He listens, gives advice, and never fails to remind me that i am special.  So yeah, find the silver lining. 

Maybe that should be my motto for the next 12 months.
I like it!
And you know what? I may not even be able to be in Ohio when he gets home.  But someone will most likely have a cell phone and even hearing his voice in real time will be awesome.

SO, here's to the next 363 days.  I can do it, I know I can.  Especially if I have the Lord on my side. :)

******************************
OK: For those of you who read this looking for the package, here it is.

Since I didn't have a lot of money (and since I'm not super crafty) I didn't go all out on this package.  In fact, It probably only cost me about $20 to put it together and send it.  So, here is what I did:

First: Since it is  "HUMP DAY" I figured it would be cheesy and cute to give him a small stuffed camel and being even more cheesy like I am I named it  HUMPhrey.  (I may have named it also in a way to get him back for naming the Teddy Bear he sent me last Christmas, but I digress).  The picture above is the one I bought for him.  I found him on Amazon and with Shipping and handling it came to about $14.  There were several others online, and you may also find places to get something like this that is cheaper, but this is the route I went.

Second, what I did was write him some open when letters: 
          DISCLAIMER:  the way I did this took a bit of time so if you do it the same way plan on taking quite a bit of time to write them.
Anyway, I found this list on one of the many waiting for a missionary pages I'm on and pulled from that a bit.

So, there are several on here that may or may not apply to you and your missionary.  I also had to use my scriptures as a resource for other topics I used.  Such as, when Satan is getting you down read Moses 1. (I picked select verses that I wanted to emphasize for his letter) And then I focused on reminding him that my missionary is a Son of God and Satan want's you to forget that.  etc. etc.  One other fun thing I did was find several sections of scripture in the Book of Mormon relating to politics because Trent loves Politics.   And the way I wrote the letters was almost as if he had told me something he was struggling with and I had instantly replied with my advice and scriptures.  I also used excerpts from Conference talks and even "The Continuous Atonement" by Brad Wilcox to add to my advice as well.  Unfortunately, I ran out of time so, I wrote several letters like that, and the last letter I wrote down several individual topics with relating scriptures he could look through when he is needing some spiritual assistance.   BUT you know your boy better than you think, thinking over the past year I was able to come up with a few extra topics that I had recently read about or I knew he had struggled with in the past year.

The final thing I did was post on his facebook asking his friends and family to give him short messages of encouragement and advice.  I didn't get a lot of response that way, (unfortunately) and what I would recommend is contacting people directly. I then wrote down on note cards what they said, and put them in an envelope so he can carry them with him if he wants too. 
Then when it came to shipping, I went with a small flat rate parcel (not a box) which those allow you to ship as much as you want at a specific amount, it doesn't deal with weight.  And that cost me about 5 or so dollars to ship it.

So yeah! There's some short ideas if you're wanting to do a year package on a budget.  Comment with any other ideas below that you would do as well for those who are trying to get some ideas themselves!

13 things I've learned after 1 year of waiting for my Missionary

Ok, I know most of you are thinking: "Wait! It's not that time yet!" and you would be right, Trent has not been gone quite a year yet BUT I figure that 2 weeks or so wont make much of a difference and I've been dying to write this one for awhile so I'm jumping the gun a bit.
    ***Disclaimer: These are purely my opinions, not factual evidence and you do not have to take any of       what I say to heart. I wrote this purely as advice to those who are new MG's or future MG's******

Anyway, this past year has taught me many things about life and myself, as well as how to balance waiting with my life.  Some of the things i have learned are:

1. Scripture study is SO important:
              I grew up in the church, so I was constantly taught the importance of reading and studying the scriptures on a daily basis.  But as I grew into my teen years, I didn't really care.  Once I got out of those years I would do it, but not regularly.  Back in March when Trent almost got sent home I realized that was one of the things that I needed to work on on top of several other good habits I would like to have by the time my children are born.  Well, you can't wait until he comes home nor can you wait until the kids come to start.  You have to start now.  It's been up and down, I can't say that I'm 100% perfect at it but over time and by creating the desire to want that habit in my life I have started to recognize that I need the scriptures every day.  Because they are such a reminder of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ's love for all of us, and they help us learn how to trust them and put our lives in their hands, letting them help us through our lives.  The scriptures are wonderful, and if you read them sincerely, you will definitely get something out of them.

2.  Temple attendance:
          I realize this will vary on where you all live, but since I live in Provo Utah and there is a temple right up the road I need to take the time to go on a regular basis.  After receiving his endowments nearly a year ago Trent is very adamant about Temple attendance and actually about 6 months ago got after me because I wasn't taking the time out of my day to go as often as I could.  He didn't do it to be mean, he did it out of love.  And I'm very glad he did.  Yes, we had a slight spat about it, but I quickly apologized because I realized how wrong I truly was.  Since I moved apartments back in April, I decided I needed to try and go as often as I could, and while I wasn't the most successful, I did realize how important it is to go to the Temple not only do we have the opportunity to perform life saving ordinances for the generations that have passed on, but it is a sanctuary away from the world where we can ponder and seek Heavenly Father's will for us.  So take the time out of your schedule to go and attend the temple, it's the best boost you can give your spirit.

3.  Prepare to go through the Temple and receive endowments:
             This sort of relates to #2 a bit in the fact that once we make those covenants with the Lord we are asked to continue to go back as often as we can for the same reasons I mentioned earlier.  Plus, it's for your edification and spiritual growth too.  But the concept that makes this tab different is that there is so much more than planning to go to the Temple one day, you have to prepare as well.  The preparation is necessary and I feel as mormon girls sometimes we fail to realize and remember that as well.  I haven't received my endowments yet, but I look forward to the day that I can.  BUT, the covenants we will make in the Temple are very serious and binding covenants.  They cannot be taken lightly and in my opinion should not be made if you are not ready to make those covenants.  So this time while our boys are gone we should be striving to become ready for the day we do go into the temple and make those covenants.  I feel that one way we do that is by developing a personal relationship with the Savior and try to truly understand the Atonement as best as we can.

4.  Take the time to get ready for the day:
              I can't even begin to tell you how good I feel when I take the time in the mornings to get ready and look nice.  I guess you could call me anti-feminist because I do take the time to wear makeup and primp so that way I can genuinely feel nice.  Plus, I've noticed, on the days where I'm able to get myself ready and looking decent, I feel a lot better about myself.  I know it's easy to fall into the pattern of "Well, I have no one here to impress so why bother?"  Which, makes sense but honestly, why not try to get ready for the day, you'll feel better even if you're not out to impress anyone.  Sometimes though, you do need a good reason for getting ready.  I'm in my last year of college, I'm working with and around people that are my potential colleagues, clients and even bosses/mentors  I need to look decent and have a professional demeanor to impress those people.  I want a career.  I know for those of you who read this post, that may not be your reason, but I'm sure deep down inside there will be a reason.  So cling to that and feel better in the process.

5. STAY BUSY:
        If there is any one thing I could tell a girl who is about waiting or getting ready to wait, this would be probably my number one comment.  I understand we are all of different ages and come from different areas of the world and walks of life.  Our situations are different too.  I'm 22, I'm in school, there is my excuse to stay busy.  And I will promise any of you who are just starting out, about to start waiting, OR who are struggling to not be so depressed about having your boy gone.  This is the cure.  Find stuff to do, and most importantly, do things that will better yourself.  Working is good, school is good too, outside of that, find your passions, hobbies, talents that you can continue to work on and improve.  Volunteer somewhere where you feel you would like to help someone and make a difference in the world.  Travel, do study abroad or Student Exchange programs.  You are not going to regret staying busy and doing stuff that you love and want to do before you are married.  You are going to grow and mature while your boy grows and matures.  And I can guarantee that he will be happy with the woman he comes home too if you try your best to better yourself by doing good things.

6. It is OK to cry:
             I'll admit, I try my hardest not to cry a lot about my problems.  I see it as a weakness in my life because I always try to be strong.  But once in awhile I do let myself go for a short cry. I don't think I sob as much as I did when he first left, maybe because I realize there is nothing I can do about it, and also that I'm happy for him and where he's at, but that doesn't lessen the fact that I miss him as much as I do.  I actually lost it in the Shower about a week ago and just let myself cry and complain out loud (I did feel bad about the complaining later though).  And for me, crying as well as writing down my feelings really helps me to be able to then get back on track and focus on what I need to do.

7. Try to get out and mingle:
             I'll admit, I'm kind of an introvert sometimes and having a missionary could very easily make me even more of an introvert.  But unfortunately at the same time I love to have fun, and get to know people.  I know many of the girls who may read this post are vehement against dating.  That's ok, you don't have to, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting out and making friends.  In fact, I'd say this post kind of relates to #5, you can stay busy and have fun with friends too.  I will add a disclaimer here: This means mingling with more than your MG and MB brothers and sisters.  Since I had to move back in April due to my apartment complex becoming MTC housing I have made so many friends and a few of them are guys. But they know all about Trent and they're perfectly fine with it.  We're all still friends, and I have had so much fun because I can be myself and enjoy my life.  24 months is a long time to hide away on the weekends or during your spare time, so get out and have fun and make some good friends along the way.  You wont regret it.

8.  You most likely will have to make big decisions/go through some hard things without him here:
                 In fact, this one is pretty much inevitable.  Over the years I've learned that as much as we plan on how we want our life to go, it may not be Heavenly Father's plan for us.  I'll go back to my old apartment again: I had planned on living there until Trent got home. I was comfortable, I loved the ward, and I had some pretty good friends and roommates.  But when the announcement was made we all had to move I was really ticked off about it. In fact, I pretty much left there kicking and screaming, no joke.  I was mad at the complex and in a way kind of mad at the Lord for allowing this to happen when he knew how happy I was.  But overtime, I've come to see the reason why I had to move, the place I'm at now I'm supposed to be at right now, I was supposed to make these friends and have these experiences that would continue to shape me.  I've also had to make decisions in regards to my education as well, I would love to have him here to help but I have to live MY life while he's gone.  He's off doing his own thing and I should be doing the same.  Also, you're going to face struggles and trials you probably never expected and you're going to have to do them as best you can without him by your side.  It sucks, it truly does.  But it's possible because the Lord has promised us that we will not be tested over that which we can bare.   Every person in this world is stronger than they think, and whatever we are given, as hard as it may be, it is possible to overcome it.  These things will also help you to figure out who you truly are as a person, which will help your self esteem in ways you could never imagine.

9.  Develop a close relationship with Heavenly Father and Christ:
             Satan is really playing dirty these days, I've seen it in my life, my missionaries life, my family, friends etc.  He's playing dirty, which isn't fair, but we need to realize that he is.  That is the reason why this is the time to develop your relationship with Heavenly Father and our Savior.  Heavenly Father loves us all so very much, but he loves us so much individually words can't even begin to describe that love.  And the Savior?  He loves us all too, and He is the one who truly gets it.  He has suffered for every pain, sickness, sin, heartache, etc that we will ever go through. He is empathetic to us and is willing to be there as a Brother, friend, and comforter.  He will not leave us hanging.  SO ladies, turn to Him and our Father in Heaven and you will be able to combat the wiles of the Devil.

10.  Be happy for those girls who get good news:
                 Each of our waits are different.  Just like each of our lives are different.  We cannot, CANNOT compare our journey to someone elses. I will admit when I first started waiting it was hard seeing all the 100 day countdowns, the year marks, 18 month marks and homecomings.  But I also realized that these girls went through the same 2 years that I was, so I should try my hardest to support and be happy for them.  Because it is exciting and happy that their boys are finally home. 

11. Try not to watch homecoming videos all the time:
                 I may get mocked for this one,  but I seriously do not watch homecoming videos.  The only ones I do watch are of girls who are currently on the page and their boys come home.  And in that sense, I'm ok because like mentioned above I want to be truly happy for them and with them.  But one time I did watch several homecoming and wedding videos and the only thing it did was make me depressed.  And I already struggle enough with depression so why would i want to make myself MORE depressed? And also, it makes us wish for the future, which we're always told not to do.  We need to learn to be happy in the moment, not to wish for the future and say: "I'll be happy then."  Because it wont happen. Something will go terribly wrong and we'll find another reason down the road to be happy.  That's not living life, and that is definitely not enjoying life.  I totally went off tangent a bit with this thought but, honestly, homecoming videos are cute, but unless you plan on crying half the night eating junk food and watching chick flicks I would recommend to not watch them.  But that is up to you, this is just my advice it's not gospel.

12.  Countdown calendars:
                  Simple, don't update them every day, nor try to look at them every day.  Each person I've talked to who has the same opinion does it differently.  Some girls do fast sundays, other's do periods, some do it every two weeks, I personally do it once a week.  Every Tuesday night before I go to bed I put seven little black stickers on my called to serve poster.  And even those seven stickers make me feel like a champion.  PLUS, it helps you to see how fast the time really is flying by.   Because it does fly by. It truly does.  If you don't have a countdown calendar or you feel like time is going too slow, take the two years in smaller increments.  Like every three months, I try to do 6 because I feel that's more of an accomplishment.  Plus, you'll feel so much better if you take it in shorter time periods because then you're not looking at the whole picture.  And with that reward yourself!  I reward myself every 6 months or so because I feel like I've accomplished something.


I could go on and on with a lot of stuff I've learned, but I'm going to keep it to 13 today.  Frankly, I believe the whole idea of waiting boils down to this one concept:

  13.  Preparing NOT Waiting:
              As you read over all of these, it seems like a lot and yes, I'll admit I'm very long winded and very opinionated.  But that's how I see the world, and I don't apologize for it.  Everyone is different and that is OK.   But I believe that waiting should actually be called preparing.  Because that's what we really should be doing.  We should prepare to be the woman our missionary deserves when he gets home.  We should prepare to make covenants with our Heavenly Father in his Holy Temple.  We should prepare to be sealed to our eternal loves for time and all eternity.  We should prepare to be a housekeeper and a mothers.  We should prepare by developing ourselves and figuring out who we are and what our potential is.  We should prepare by learning about ourselves and finding our talents and how we can use those to better the Kingdom of our God.     Preparing  NOT Waiting is what we are truly doing.  And I believe and I will promise that if you come to understand that principle, and take advantage of these two years instead of dreading them.  These two years will fly by, faster than we expect or would like, and then we will all be with our boys again.  In the eternal scheme of things, two years really isn't that long, and if you look at them as a time of preparation it's not a lot of time either.  But if you start now you will be blessed from on High to become the woman your boy deserves to have by his side for eternity.   So lets start preparing!

I love all you ladies, the one's I've befriended and the ones I will befriend someday.  This wait does not have to be a dreaded, miserable 24 months.  It is possible to have fun and enjoy your life while he is gone, I've experienced it, and I know you all can too.   Have a good day, and keep the faith. We can all do this!

Despite everything that may happen, Life is worth it!

So after a very long 4 years I'm about to finish my college journey. 

Which, in and of itself has been a very long adventure.  And I can look back and remember very clearly, finally moving out of the house, starting school, eager and excited for my future.
I remember seeing my life go down a path I never expected - which included a broken heart and soul. The sleepless nights, the nights I cried myself to sleep, the decisions I had to make, the growing up I had to do.
Then there was my starting over years.  Two years ago moving out again on my own, determined to work harder and be even better.  Being demoted at Los Hermanos, and feeling life was so unfair.  But being lucky enough to find work quickly.  Losing it over my Lingustics final because I was so stressed and frustrated.  The multiple goldfish I killed. The fun nights and the good talks I had with all my new friends and roommates.  Passing my first 18 credit semester during the spring semester of 2012. 
Then meeting Trent and falling head over heels in love which was a feeling I thought I had experienced, but never truly had.  
     Four months later after starting school, I let him go and turned him over to the Lord as he went to serve faithfully for 24 months to teach others about the gospel that has brought so much enlightenment and happiness into both of our lives. 
   Continuing my uphill battle with depression, but fought back because of my desire to finish school.  I turned 22, enjoyed some  more fun times with new roommates and friends.   Trent nearly coming home, and how I had to turn that over to the Lord and let Him take care of the situation.
I passed my written exam for my Interpreters Certification.
  The vow to study for BOTH the math placement test as well as my performance test which only half happened.  But I overcame my fear and took both tests.  And while they didn't go the way I wanted I knew that it would be ok,  there may just be other things in the future instead of what I wanted.  (Plus I hadn't been prepared, that's always a good lesson to remember).
I have learned so much in the past few years about trusting my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ.  They both see a bigger picture than I can,  and our Savior understands everything we're going through and is empathetic to our situations.

All in all, I've learned a lot,  I've grown a lot.  I've had to re-build myself spiritually and emotionally,  and like Trent always tells me, I've managed to stay on top.  In the moment, it may not seem that way but if you keep pushing forward and getting up out of bed every morning eventually you'll make it. 
Life has a way of taking you in different paths and teaching you things you never expected to have happen in your life.  Just be brave, and trust in Heavenly Father and Christ.  They'll get you through it, and when you look to the past you'll realize how much you've grown and how there are things you are grateful to have learned despite the pain.  This life is worth it,  we all knew that when we came to this earth.  It honestly takes us remembering who we are and loving the Lord, with Him at our side anything is possible.

The Lord sees the whole picture a lot better than we can

So, for those of you who are friends with me on Facebook you know that this past week has been a little bit rough for me.
You see, I lost my job monday afternoon. Ironically, it was four hours after I finished e-mailing with Trent, and we weren't even able to e-mail very long because of transfers (more about that later).  So, everything had been alright, I'd spent a lazy day fooling around on the internet, then I got ready, caught my usual bus and headed up to work.  I was listening to music, the day was great, my ponytail had some nice bounce to it, and I was happy. Truly happy.
Then I got to work, and as I walked up towards the registers to clock in, my manager stopped me and said we needed to talk.  I joked with him about being in trouble and he gave me this look that said it wasn't good.  So I started panicking. My logic though, said that I had done something wrong and would get bawled out for it, told to change then I'd get on with my evening.  Which was fine, not that I was looking forward to it but if I needed to change, well then heck- I'll do my best to change.
Scott sat me down at the table then handed me a paycheck stub and informed me that was my last paycheck, because he had to let me go.  I don't remember the whole conversation, mainly because I was most likely in shock, but I do remember words like:
"We're downsizing."
"Ernesto want's a new staff"
"I was given a list of people to get rid of."
I started frantically asking what I did wrong only to have Scott shake his head.  Whether that meant he wasn't sure, he didn't agree with it, or I didn't want to know - I really don't know.  But I do feel like he felt bad about it, maybe he was protecting me too. I'm not 100% sure, but either way, I was out of a job.  Which was something I never saw coming, mainly because I was a supervisor and I made more.  Plus, I felt like I was one of the better staff members, and I tried to keep the restaurant looking good and tried to build up sales as best as I could.  I left the place in tears, wondering how in the world I was going to make ends meet. That was my source of income, my rent was due soon, I had utilities to pay soon. 

Needless to say I said a very few choice words about my boss that I will not repeat here because... they're pretty inappropriate. 
But it did have to do with the fact that I felt very taken advantage of by my boss and how he could turn around and kick me to the curb with no excuse, no warning, no nothing.  He didn't give a flying rat's butt about me and my life.

**If you're thinking that what happened there was illegal, it wasn't. Utah is a right to work state, which means he didn't have to give any prior warning, and could let me go at any time for any reason if he deemed it necessary** (I know, it sucks)

I spent the rest of the evening crying while frantically filling out application after application for jobs.  I also had to call my parents (swallowing that pride of mine) to ask for some help, which they offered too, as long as I came home and worked for it. Which I ended up doing.  (And my Mom's kitchen looks beautiful now thanks to my wonderful hard work.)

But that monday night as I went to bed I decided to make a recording for Trent telling him what was going on.  Because I really just wanted to talk to him about it, and I felt that was the best way to do it.  But before I even started recording the thought came to mind that I had to turn this burden over to the Lord and He would help me through this time of my life.  That I had to do my part - obviously - but if I met him halfway, and put my faith in Him and Christ's Atonement, that I would not only be at peace, but I would be able to find a job when the time was right.  And after having that experience with my laptop a couple weeks ago, I knew in my heart that it was true.  So that night when I knelt down to pray I told Heavenly Father that I trusted him with my whole heart, and that I knew if I tried my best the outcome would be positive.

So, Tuesday I woke up and continued to apply for jobs, both online and in the store.  And while I was STILL very upset and numb, as well as a feeling of insecurities in my ability to do my job I did know the Lord would provide.  In the process I continued to study my scriptures, and the words of the Prophet's from Conference.  And for the whole week I just felt at peace, like everything will be ok and it all will work out when the time was right. 
Wednesday I had some things to do on Campus so I decided to try and talk to some places that I had applied for. The one thing that kept worrying me was the fact that most places wouldn't start me until about a week before school starts, and I kind of needed a job now. One of the places I applied though was the bookstore on campus.  I have a good friend who works there, so I stopped in to see her, we chatted and I told her I'd applied and she scored me an interview. (Despite the fact that my paperwork had gotten lost in the system.)

That interview was today, and I don't know if they hire anybody on the spot.  But they hired me as soon as the interview wrapped up.  The best part, is that I have to do so many trainings before they're comfortable placing me in a busy spot. SO, I start working next week.  I am slightly concerned that because it is a temporary position that I'll find myself in this same situation when the initial busy few weeks are over.  BUT, I do feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be for the time being that that the Lord will help me find where I need to be when the time comes. And also, even during the training, I'll be making some funds to build up my bank account even prior to me deciding to stick with the bookstore or not.

In thinking about this whole week (which was a VERY long week I might add) sure, it's frustrating losing a job, I don't think it will ever NOT be frustrating for that to happen.  And while I still find it unfair, I am so very grateful that it happened when it did, and I truly feel like the Lord's hand was in the timing of it. I had been considering getting work on campus, but had been putting off applying for other jobs because well, I was tired and I was lazy.  I honestly didn't care and I was waiting for my certification exam results (which come in 2 weeks guys!! AHH!).  The thought occurred to me though, that if this had happened too soon, or a couple weeks later I would seriously be in a bad position.  Because everywhere is hiring RIGHT NOW. They want the flexible time for the students to get the trained.  Any later, I would probably been jobless for a longer period of time than four days.
The key lesson though, is the simple lesson taught in Jacob 4:10 in the Book of Mormon, which reads:
   
     "Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works."

That scripture has helped me many times through tough parts of my life.  But it is a good reminder to use our agency to put our ultimate trust in a loving Heavenly Father who gave us life.  He put's us here and gives us trials that help us to learn and to grow.  Without them, we couldn't become better, we couldn't progress to be like Him or be with Him again.  Yes, some (if not all) of the hard things may seem unfair, and we may never fully understand why they happen.  If you partake of the gift of our Savior's atonement though it will give you the peace of mind to know that in the end, everything will be worked out.
So, let's trust the Lord, because He see's the whole picture, and turn to the Savior even during the easy times, because he is the one person who truly "get's it".  If you do those things, They both will make sure everything will work out for our benefit.



Quick Trent update:
     Trent has been transferred to a new area after being in his second one for a little over 6 months.  The really neat thing though is that he has once again been asked to be a District Leader and a Trainer.  He has his work cut out for him, that's for sure.  But I know he's doing his best, and that the Lord is blessing him for it.  For those of you who read this though, if you could keep him in your prayers, I know he would appreciate it.  The biggest thing I'm grateful for though is the fact that even though he was so busy getting ready to move, he still took the time to remember me and send me a short letter.  I'm not only blessed to have a personal relationship with a wonderful Heavenly Father who helps me through hard things, but I'm also blessed to have a wonderful man in my life who takes the time to remember and care about me even when he's busy.

Milestones

Ok,
So it hit me tonight that today is a big day for me because it is yet again a one year milestone for me and Trent.

Yes, today one year ago he received his mission call and our lives changed forever.
Yes one year. Can you believe it?  Which means, I'm almost to the year mark, it's actually hitting home right now that I'm almost a year done with the wait.  Which excites me so much. Like I'm literally in shock right now.
GAH! I can't believe it, today is most definitely one of those days when reality hits you in the face. But in a good way. :D :D :D

So, I figured I should re-tell the story because I realized that I haven't told it and I really should share it.

Ok, so it just so happened that I was in Ohio that weekend visiting, and we had expected his mission call prior to then, but it just hadn't arrived yet.  They had been sent back a couple of times which had been frustrating because he had wanted to go so badly, and it was taking longer than what we both had wanted.  But, we need to stay patient because the Lord always has His hand in every aspect of our lives.  The positive side was that Trent was able to work some more and we were able to get to know each other better.  Well, after a very long week (and an small argument), a 2 1/2 layover in Vegas on my way there I finally arrived and was back in his arms.  We secretly hoped that his call would come that weekend because I really wanted to be there, and I know he wanted me there as well.
Well the next morning, I got up, and got ready for the day. I had just gotten dressed after showering and was washing my face when he came in with the large white envelope addressed to him.  I initially became excited because it had finally come.  The largest mystery was where was he going?  So, after we both finished getting ready we went to the kitchen and opened it.  It was only us there and we were both excited.  Go ahead and watch the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AFAZOJrSBw&feature=youtu.be

So,  as you can tell, I was nervous.  But I could tell he was so excited.  We then went and told his mom and he took it with him that day so he could show everyone the good news.  I was so happy for him, but I realized that everything was changing.  He would be leaving me for 24 months.  We obviously talked a lot about him leaving and how we would try to work everything out.  One thing I did know is that we loved each other very much, but he needed to leave for a short time and serve our Heavenly Father by teaching those without the truth about the gospel of Jesus Christ and the happiness that comes from having that knowledge and implementing it in your life.

And the wait before the wait was SO HARD on both of us.  Part of us both wanted to get him out there, yet at the same time I didn't want him to go.  The adversary worked hard on me, and him while we were getting ready to send him off.  But Trent stayed strong, and I'm so proud he did.  This journey since he left has had it's highs and lows to say the least.  But I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. This time apart is good for the both of us and I'm glad I get to share it with him.

Lastly, obviously I'm almost to my year mark. 2 more months and I'll be halfway done.
SAY WHAT?!?!?!
I know, it's crazy.  I feel like he should only be gone 3-5 months, and yet i"m here at month 10.  Sure, some days seem slower, but they've generally flown by.   Ironically enough just the other day I was thinking "Yeah, I'm at 10 months.  I've made it so far!"  But it truly didn't hit me until tonight when I realized that I've reached this second milestone for Trent and myself.

I'm so glad he's serving his mission, that he's working as hard as he can to be faithful.  I'm also glad we had the opportunity to share opening his call together, as well as a one year anniversary for not only our relationship, but also (almost) his mission.  :D
This wait is so worth it ladies, and as hard as it may seem, it's also very doable!

Our story - once again + 10 months down with an update!

Hey everyone:

So I know that I posted this story at the beginning, but I liked the way I worded this when I wrote my spotlight for a missionary girlfriend blog so I thought I'd share it.  :)  If you want to compare the two stories, they kind of come together. :)

I initially met Trenton Wayne Chaney in July of 2011 through my now brother-in-law Scott.  Trent is from Athens Ohio (in the Columbus Ohio Mission) and that's where Scott had served a full-time mission.  Trent and Scott met just days before he came home from his mission, but they hit it off and Scott gave him his contact information for when he was at home in Utah.  Well, Trent started driving Semi-trucks across the country and by sheer happenstance had mechanical problems just north of Salt Lake and had to stop to get repairs.  Knowing he would be there over the weekend he contacted Scott and asked if he could attend church with him.  So, they spent sunday together, then Trent got hauled over to my parents home because (naturally) Scott and my sister Natalie were unseperable.  That's how we first met, with Trent sitting on my parent's couch as I walked in from Church myself.   Now, according to Trent when he first saw me it was like in the movies, you know when the heroine walks in with her hair blowing in the wind, lights, angels singing, the whole shebang.   Now, I don't remember it being that dramatic of a first meeting, but he could swear that's how it went.  Then my boyfriend walked in behind me and he became a little deflated.  Needless to say, I still thought he was attractive and while we didn't talk much we did keep catching ourselves staring at each other from across the room.  Looking back, I desperately wanted Tyler (my boyfriend) to go home so I could get to know him better.  That sadly didn't happen because we left a few minutes later to have dinner with Tyler's family.   

So, we went our separate ways, and he tried to find me on facebook but later gave up because he couldn't find me (I didn't have an account at the time).  So, we forgot about each other, he continued to drive Truck and I moved back to Provo Utah to go to school.  Tyler and I ended things because, well I was moving and he also was preparing for a mission and I told him I wasn't going to wait for him. Ironic how that turned out huh?

Fast forward 6 months from our first meeting and I got a friend request from him.  I had forgotten about him, but knowing he was Scott's friend made me accept the request, and that was about it.  Aside from him liking an occasional photo or post we had little contact until April 24, 2012 when he messaged me on facebook informing me that he had a long train ride ahead of him and he was bored, SO I could text him if I wanted.  Being in a good mood, I did and that was the beginning of our relationship.

We started texting and talking on the phone constantly for about three weeks and during that time I developed the HUGEST crush on him and I realized that I really wanted to pursue a relationship with him. Yet, I was afraid because I had been hurt so many times in the past, but as I prayed about it I felt nothing but peace and I knew that I could trust him. After three weeks we both shared our pasts with each other.  He later told me that was the night he knew I would be his wife and that he wanted to marry me, because of how strong I was.  About a week after that we admitted to having deeper feelings for each other than we thought and so, he decided to fly to utah to visit me.  And he did on June 8th of 2012, that was also the day we became an official couple.  As we spent the weekend together we fell even more for each other (and I'll tell you, that guy knows how to kiss me so that I'll melt into his arms.).  And after he flew back our relationship continued, and this time I felt like a piece of me was missing (well, halfway across the country).

When we first started talking I had known that Trent had a desire to serve a mission.  And I was eager to support him.  I guess one of the main reasons was that he is an older missionary.  He joined the church at 22, and he left soon after he turned 24.  I loved how excited he was about it, and in my heart something told me I needed to wait for him, whether that be unofficially or officially.  Luckily he asked me to wait for him as his girlfriend shortly before he received his call.

I was lucky enough to be able to be there when he received his call and was the only one beside him when he opened it.  He was called to serve in the San Fernando California mission.  That was the day it hit me that he would actually be leaving me for two years, but at the same time I was excited to be by his side for this 24 month adventure.

   Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I ever did though. He left September 26th 2012, and I was able to spend the four days before he left with him.  During that time, he gave me a promise ring and we talked about how we wanted everything to go.  The one conclusion we came to is that we truly did love each other and we wanted things to work out when he came home.  We both knew that the two years would be rough at times and it could put a strain on our relationship, but we knew that if we made it through this and still want to be together that we could probably do anything.  Right before we said goodbye, we went into my room to spend the last few minutes alone and we said one last prayer together and then cried together.  The last thing he said to me was "I'll see you in two years Bubbles.  We can do this because Two years is nothing compared to the eternities we'll share together." (bubbles is my nickname. Long story there, message me if you want to hear it)

   So, he left.  Luckily, I had 18 credits and a 20 hour a week job to keep me distracted and the months have just flown by.  We are a little past 9 months and I cannot believe how fast the time has gone.  Sure, 15 months is still quite a long time but even though I have my days where I doubt and wonder why I'm doing this, I know in my heart I love him and I choose him.   

The mission though allows us both to get to know each other better as well as not rush things too much.  If he hadn't left on his mission we would most definitely be married by now, no doubt about it.  But we both know that our Heavenly Father has played a role in bringing us together, because there is just too much coincidence for Him not to have a hand in it.  

The past 9 months though I feel has allowed our relationship to grow stronger and deeper.  He is doing so well on his mission and I couldn't be more proud of him.  

As for the future, the next year should see me graduated with my Bachelors Degree in Deaf Studies, and I'll hopefully be immersed into my career by the time September 24, 2014 rolls around.  I'm not sure how long we want to wait before we get engaged, but I know I'm not going to push him because he might need time to get settled back into normal life before we tie the knot.  His plans as of right now are to come home and start his trucking company, as soon as that gets running as smoothly as possible he'll head back to school and get his Bachelors then it's off to Law School for him.  So, I have a few more years of supporting him and being patient while he gets everything settled to support our family. I eventually want to retire and be a stay at home mother.  He knows this is my ultimate goal and dream and he supports me wholeheartedly.  In fact, that is what we seem to do is support each other and encourage the other to pursue their dreams and goals.  

Other than that, the future is still a bit of a mystery to me, and while it does make me nervous, it does make me excited.  I do hope that things work out between Trenton and myself, and I feel like it will if I make that my decision and path to pursue.  But, I'll continue to leave it up to the Lord and let Him lead, bless and guide me through the rest of this journey.  I know I'm waiting for a reason, and the things Trent and I are both going to learn will help us with our future family."

"In regards to the waiting:

    I've found that it's more a time for me to figure out who I am and to progress and try to reach my true potential as a daughter of God and a future wife and mother.  My main goal aside from completing School while Trent is gone is to be ready to make the covenants with my Heavenly Father in the Temple and receive my endowments one day.  I will admit that while I seem all positive about this, I do have my hard days.  I struggle with depression, primarily seasonal, and I feel the pangs of loneliness just like any other MG does.  The thing I've come to realize is that the Adversary plays a dirty game of hardball and he will come after you and your missionary, the goal then is to fight back and develop a close relationship with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  Christ's atonement is a wonderful gift we've all been given and we as MG's have the opportunity to use it while we wait for our boys.  It has a comforting power that is so beautiful and freely given to any and all who partake of what's offered.  So girls, stay close to our Savior, feast upon the scriptures, and whatever you do don't let Satan get you down.  He knows he's going to lose in the end and so it is his goal to make us all miserable like himself, and we can't let him have that satisfaction of winning.  

Lastly, don't put yourself in a box and hide away for two years.  Enjoy life, make friends, develop hobbies, volunteer, try to finish school, you WILL NOT regret the time you take for yourself.  And your missionary wont regret it either I can assure you,  and in the end it will only make us better women and potential wives and mothers.  We can do this ladies, and with Heavenly Father and Christ on your side I promise that ANYTHING is possible."

UPDATE:

   10 glorious months have finally passed us by as you can see by my picture here

             

Sidewalk chalk is SO FUN to play with. I'd totally forgotten.

Anyway, I'm getting closer every day to that year mark.  I still miss him a lot, but I'm so thankful for everyday I have to learn how to become better, and figure out who I am so that by the time he comes home I'm the woman he deserves as a wife.

He's also been district leader for a total of two transfers.  I was so proud when he e-mailed me and said that he was going to be a DL.  Through most of his mission he's told me how much he wants to be a leader.  On top of DL, he was also a trainer for not one but TWO missionaries.  One of which is waiting for his visa to Brazil. :)  Yet, he has never failed to make sure I've been paid attention too.  I've continued to get a letter every week from him. Sure, they might not be as long and detailed, but it's nice to get them.

Here's some pictures:

The top one is the line of paternity is what he called it.  It's kind of a who trained who type of thing.  The two in the bottom right corner are the boys Trent has been training

The second is a picture from his district.  And the John Deere hat? Yes, that's most definitely him, his dream is to own his own ranch one day. :)

He does listen and He will answer

Ok, I think I had one of the best, most exceptional experiences with prayer today than I have had in a long time.   Situations in the past have had me falling to my knees and asking my Heavenly Father for help, protection and guidance, and it was through those experiences that I knew there is a Father in Heaven who does listen to us.

But one thing I've learned since starting to wait for Trent is we have to continually be building on that knowledge, we cannot continue to rely on something that happened in the past.

Anyway, I had a decent day today, the sky was blue with white fluffy clouds, sure it was a little warm but as I looked around me I had been so thankful for the beautiful summer day (I should have taken advantage of it and gone swimming, but that's another story).  I got off work 2 hours early because it was slow and they didn't need me, I bought myself a new pair of earbuds (because mine had been ripped apart by the cupboard handle at work) then I headed home to find my weekly letter from Trent on the counter.  WITH PICTURES!!!

So yeah, my day was going pretty great.  And after my nap, I sat down with some food and prepared to fool around on my computer until I could spend time with my mom and younger sister.  After about 5 minutes of my computer having issues it completely shut off.  Which, unfortunately is normal and it has been doing this since about mid December.  So, very annoyed I turned it back on so I could go back to my activity, albeit very frustrated that I had to wait to let the dang thing reboot.   The next thing I saw though sent me into a total panic, when I saw what most call the blue screen of death.
Yes, that ugly darkish blue screen that usually signifies my computer has crashed.  I did have one thread of hope when I notice it said that it had failed to start up.  So I started following the recommended options while hoping that i hadn't lost all my files.  There are things currently on my computer I can never replace if it crashes.  Like the recording Trent made for me right before he left on his mission, my resume, all my music etc.  So, it started doing it's thing to try and save my files and fix the problem.

And I waited, & waited, & waited...
And waited some more.
Got a drink and kept waiting.  So I decided to continue reading Trent's letters to pass the time.

But as I read I became more anxious and upset because I realized I could have very easily lost all the files on my computer.  And there are some files on my computer that I would be devastated if I was to lose them.  So finally after waiting for a good hour I finally went to the Lord and asked him to fix my computer because of the reasons mentioned above.  And in my heart, something told me He could fix my stupid 4 year old laptop that has given me issues for at least the last year.   And a few minutes later, my computer completely shut off.  I tried turning it on without response, and I quickly became frustrated because I thought this was the end of the computer. But then the thought came to plug in my charger, and try again.

The next thing I knew my computer booted up and my login screen with my name and the picture of Trent and I came up.  I typed in my password and  Viola!!! Everything came up, not one thing was lost or missing.  I immediately started to cry and profusely thanked my Father in Heaven for looking out for me and fixing my computer.

It was then I had the very powerful reminder that He's always there, and He's always listening and will answer the sincerest prayers.  He want's us to be happy and what matters to us, matters to Him.  I'd always heard that last statement,  but it had never hit home as hard as it did this afternoon.

So prayer, add a little faith that He can come through and it works. It really does!!
So once again I'm going to say that I am so very thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves me, gives me beautiful summer mornings, my family, who fixes computers and who watches out for me.  I love Him so much and I'm thankful that I know He is there and that I can develop a close and personal relationship with Him.

And for some reason this post made me think of this song by Cherie Call: Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPbhvQMtIJw

My thoughts about DOMA being declared Unconstituional

I know if any of my liberal friends were to read this post I probably would be ripped to pieces with what I'm about to say.
And it is unfortunate that our society has become so radical and liberal that if we state opinions that are opposite of another party's opinions we're automatically labeled as bigots, racist, discriminatory, hateful people.
But if we're civil about our opinions, how is it hateful?

It's not, but society is trying to force us to believe that it is if we don't accept what a majority deem to be very, very wrong.

Yes, I am talking about the Supreme Court overturning DOMA and declaring it unconstitutional.
                 The saddest part about this case is that the Supreme Court wanted nothing to do with it initially, but the Obama Administration wouldn't let it die so, yeah, they were forced to make a ruling on the matter.

And in a vote of 5-4 it was declared unconstitutional. So barely, it won, which says to me there are still people in this country that have morals.  Or at least they know what the 10th amendment of the constitution says, which limits the powers of the three different branches of government.   Basically what it says is, everything outlined as their responsibilities thus far in this document CANNOT be changed.  It was written to limit their powers and not let any one branch of government gain more power than the other.  BUT the founding fathers knew that evil men would probably one day make it into government, or someone who wanted the glory of a king would make it into government.  So, that amendment was written in to make sure none of what is happening will happen.
   So basically, what the supreme court did today was illegal and unconstitutional in declaring DOMA unconstitutional.

Thats an oxymoron isn't it.

I think what made me laugh the most when I read articles about it, is that the court stated the law violated the gay's fifth amendment rights.   So, wanting to  refresh my memory of the fifth amendment, I grabbed a pocket copy of the constitution and read it.  Here's what it says:

    "No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense  to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation."
                                                                       -Amendment 5 of the Constitution of the United States

So, the supreme courts standing comes from an amendment that refers to the due process and fairness of criminal proceedings.    Yes, I suppose you could argue that it talks about depriving people from "equality" "liberty" etc. etc. and so forth.   But that's just one piece of the puzzle.  And it was NOT meant to be used out of context.  It just wasn't, and we know that because it was written that way for a reason.  If we remember back to our American History classes we can remember that Britain had a very unfair way of dealing with those who were arrested and accused of treason and so on and so forth.  So, the fifth amendment was written to deal with that problem.  You'll notice the words "Due Process" in this.  That is the process someone is due when going to court for whatever judicial proceedings are necessary.  It was written to ensure that fair and just trials would take place.

So, then it has nothing to do with equality?
  Unfortunately, no.

Needless to say, after reading through and understanding everything that happened today I was disappointed in this country.   There was a time when I would label myself as proud to be American, and I would label myself a patriot.  Yet I am ashamed at how fast this country is headed in it's downward spiral.  The main ideals that were put in place by our founding fathers are being used against this country in order to implement Social ideals that are determined by the liberal radicals that are tearing this country apart.  It makes me sick to see how our society is heading downhill.  We cannot even voice our opinions if they don't match what the radical left deems as a good opinion.  Instead, of rationality and agreeing to disagree, there is name calling, bullying, and yes even oppression for those who don't agree with what we now deem is the "majority" view of the world.

Today I believe that being a patriot means standing up for the past ideals this country was based on.  As much as people want to deny it,  this country was based on Judeo-Christian values.  A value system that is still in place today and is most likely the majority of Americans believe.  But we are told that our beliefs and the "system" is oppressive and old fashioned and needs to go the way of the earth.
John Adams one of our founders was quoted to say:
    "Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other"

Other founders were quoted to say:

"Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom.  As nations  become corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters."
                       Benjamin Franklin

"The sum of all is, if we would most truly enjoy the gift of Heaven, let us become a virtuous people; then shall we both deserve and enjoy it.  While, on the other hand, if we are universally vicious and debauched in our manners, though the form of our Constitution carries the face of the most exalted freedom, we shall in reality be the most abject slaves."
                        Samuel Adams

How can we doubt that this country was founded on Judeo-Christian Values?  Because it was!  And all of these men are right and God has blessed this country for our success and freedom from overbearing and oppressive rulers.  IF we follow Him and His commandments, this country and the people will be blessed.  And also, the more and more we strive for this nirvanah like equality, and the more radical we become and push God out of our society, it does indeed enslave and destroy us.

First Nephi 13 in the Book of Mormon tells us that this country is set apart and different from the other countries of the world.  And that God has consecrated it for our use as long as we obey Him, worship Him, and recognize the great things he as done for us.  But when the society becomes wicked and we throw God out does our demise become more and more prominent.  And we see that at the end of the Book of Mormon when the Nephites are all killed off while battling the Lamanites.  It wasn't that the Lamanites were better fighters, it was because both parties were relying on physical strength and not the strength that could come from trusting and believing in an all powerful Father in Heaven.  A godless society basically destroys itself from the inside out.  No outside forces will do it, but it will be us that do it to ourselves.

Throughout history if we seriously study it, we will see that some of the largest societies that had the greatest destruction or fall came about because of increased wickedness and evil that was in the land.  Ironically enough, it also had a considerable amount of practiced Homosexuality.  To name a few states or countries,

Rome
Greece
Pompeii
Ancient Mesopotamia
Ancient Assyria
Soddom and Gommorrah

Ironically enough, all of these societies listed were destroyed or dramatically collapsed.  Through modern revelation we know that Soddom and Gomorrah were destroyed because of the high saturation of homosexual relationships.

In closing, I want to say that I don't hate people who label themselves as gay or lesbian.    I frown upon the practice itself but not the person.  I know and believe that it goes against what the Judeo Christian God we worship has said that marriage is between a man and a woman.   Unfortunately, our society deems this as old fashioned and bigoted because we don't "accept" them for who they are.  Unfortunately, in a god fearing society, it should be right or wrong.  Not acceptance.
Denying people of what they deem to be their "rights" is not bigoted, discriminatory or oppressive.  I fundamentally believe that we as a society now shy away from those types of practices because they are wrong.  And we have every right as a society to shy away from and not want those practices implemented.  Everyone has a right to their opinion, that's a fact.  And I'm expressing mine, as calmly and collected as I possibly can. If anyone is to read this that disagree's with me, well then let's agree to disagree.  But I believe in an all-powerful, all-knowing, omniscient being  who is my Heavenly Father.  It's Him who I fear more than man.  With that being the case, I'm going to follow Him and trust in Him.  This world is going to get darker by the day, I realize that, but I'm not afraid, and I know in my heart that I will be protected and blessed by Him if I put my trust and faith in His eternal plan.